I dunno wat struck me, but i'm in a rebellious mood now. Everything i see, listen, taste, smell, feel are irritating me. I wanna offend everyone i can. I dont give a shit who u r or wat r u, i just wanna give u my middle finger and a piece of my mind. I'm so irritated now. I dunno why. Anger and depression are engulfing me right now. I just realise how fuck up this country is today. I dont believe i said those things to my friends. I actually knew wats going on all along, but was too engross with other things till it slip off my mind. Who the fuck invented currencies? Who the fuck started this government shit? Who gives them the right to rule over us? Why are we so obedient? Why?? Why is the society made up of idiots? Why cant someone invent some medicine of some sort so there wont be anymore idiots around us? Why so many whys? DO u think u're an idiot too? Well, i think i am. Idiotic enuff to be still living in this stupid country. Tats it man i tell u, u r not going anywhere at all if this continue. You better come up with something to get urself out of this pool of shit. Its no place for us peasants. Peasants suppose to live in some remote area. Peasants only deserves to eat sweet potatoes. The only entertainment peasants are allowed to have is sex. Peasants arent allowed to live up to 30 yrs. Wat the fuck am i toking? I got no fucking idea too...i'm just a peasant wat do u expecT?

Harlow everybody! Miss me? Havent got the time to blog these few days cos my friends kept bringing me out. Yest went down bishan coffeebean to have coffee and then to amk to have lor mee then selegie to play pool. Exciting huh? More like exhausting....Anyway playing pool on a wheelchair is a drag. Not only u halt the other pple around u when u moving to where u wanna hit, but it restrict u from potting the ball u want cos the angle is just so impossible for u. Anyway the stares from other pple is enuff to kill. I left after playing a few games, with my friend (chow curly) picking me up and sending me home. He called me awhile ago, asking me whether i wanna go out or not. Feel kinda bad rejecting him just becos my other friend already plan to ask me out today. Hope he knows that i'm not taking him as a spare friend, just that time like this, someone has to be disappointed...oh well, guess he knows wat i mean, i hope. Jiaos is here leow, blog somemore later tonite...ciaos..

I kept thinking i'm evolving. Evolving into some kinda freakshow that simply hates everything. Ah yes, was telling my friend the other day that i keep thinking i was somehow teleported into this dimension i am now ever since the accident. Everything seems to be so unusual to me. The smell of tobacco, the sound of motorcycles, the way buildings look like. Its just so different. Did i tell u guys i was in a daze for 2 weeks when i woke up from the operation? I cant rem wat went on during that period. My mom told me i was uttering nonsense for a kewl 2 weeks before i regain my usual self. Weird. I'm conscious already yet i dunno wat i was doing. Then one day i just woke up and find myself lying on the hosp bed. Ask my mom why was i here and she told me i had an accident. And i think i was still dreaming. Haha...and i still think i am, at times. This cant be real. Or at least i hope its not real.


Somehow i see the changes in me. Not as in the way i behave or wat. The kind of things i tot of nowadays are so much different. I dunno in wat ways but its just diff. I begin to like abstract thinking. I see things in an extreme way. I begin to like weird things, things that i cant understand at all. Wat do u know? There might be alot of dimensions with alot of u. Something devastating happen and u are being teleported into another dimension with the same pple ard u in the previous one. Some kinda identity change. This is complicating? Maybe i illustrate abit more. Say there is this lloyd 1 lloyd 2 lloyd 3 in their respective dimension. One day something happen to them all at the same time. Then lloyd 1 went into lloyd's 2 dimension and lloyd 2 went into lloyd's 3 dimension and lloyd 3 went in lloyd's 1 dimension, so on and so for. So here i am, in lloyd's 2 dimension where everything seems to be the same but there's still abit of diff. Thats wat i've been thinking all these while. In another dimension with the previous dimension's memories. Maybe the lloyds in the other dimension are wondering abt this too. Maybe when i have the marnie i might wanna make a movie base on this weird concept of mine. Or maybe i can sell this idea to wat Raintree Production, right here in Singapore. And they might just outshine Steven Spielberg for once.



Been wanting badly to go to the movies. Tat is wat i use to do with my ex in da past. After work we would go for a show at Plaza Sing or Orchard Cineleisure or Lido. By then i was so tired that i fell asleep in the middle of the movie, regardless how exciting the movie was. Maybe i just wanna go in to catch some sleep...haha...anyway movie is like u watch urs i watch mine and we dont bother one another during the show. So even if i'm not watching it doesnt bother u at all. Maybe i like sleeping in the cinema? I hate my laptop. The Home key is too close to the Backspace key. Everytime i wanna backspace i would accidentally hit that darn key and my cursor will always land into nowhere. Fuck.....feeling sleepy....go get mahself a cup of coffee...

Went to Fish and Co. today with friends. Been there twice only and its with mah ex. Nice fish and chip, calamari, prawns, mussles etc etc. I like their butter rice, really tasty! Suppose to go there with my gf but she turn into my ex before i can even bring her there..wahahha...dohz...The things there r still more or less the same, but the person u go with are different now. I feel that i keep on repeating the things i do, but with different pple. Maybe the things that can be done in singapore are so limited till i felt this way. I made up my mind already, as long as i get a chance to work oversea, i'll just do it. I cant stand the sight of singapore anymore. Everywhere i go i can see the kiasuism being put into practise. Fuck man...even when they walk they doesnt wanna give way to someone in wheelchair. So sick. Fuck those singaporeans. Really feel like fucking them up at times....machiam rushing to die like that....fuck those idiots.


I slept really late last nite or really early this morning. 6am then go to bed. My mom and bro went to some fish market 2am last nite. Really damn good siah. So i wait up for them to get home, meanwhile smoke while everyone is asleep~ wahahaha~ then mah sis came outof the room all of a sudden but luckily she didnt see me smoking. Phew! Tat fag i only puff 2 mouth leh kaoz...there goes mah 3.3 cents. Mom got back at ard 4am with 5 crabs and a few little sharks. Kewl! The crabs are now crawling in my stomach leow...tomorrow will be the little sharks turn to swim in mah stomach~ hahahha...the meat of these little sharks are abit like stingray when cooked. I like the way mah mom cooks it with dao xi, some bean paste la....really darn nice. Slept till 2pm today...wahahaha..its been a long time since i woke up at this hour. Anyway feel kinda tired too even when i'm awake. Looks like i have sorta adjust back from mah nocturnal lifestyle. The router is not working anyway so i am on 28.8kps connection again. Maybe i'll write again tomorrow. Never know wats gonna happen when u r on dialups.

Is this a good time to blog or wat? Just finish eating mah ipoh hor fun, the rain stop leow and its so cooling now, i'm alone in the living room again cos the rest are either out or sleeping, irc got no idiots to make a fool out of, my fav songs are being played~ So perfect it seems, but still something is missing...ya...fag...Well, was actually quite sleepy but i just couldnt seems to fall asleep when i lie down. My friends are enjoying the sun in sentosa since this morning (i think), hope it didnt rain or it will be a major disappointment. Wonder if i'm not crippled like i am now, would i go? Hmm...dun think so, its just so...not me, to join this kinda gathering. I rather sit down and have a cup of coffee in coffeeshop instead. I use to bbq alot when i was still in poly, kinda fun leh. But as u grow older, it seems impossible to gather pple out for one nice gathering. Everybody is so busy with their own commitments and things like that. Is that the same to everyone everywhere or izzit just in Singapore? If we were in some ulu ulu province in Southern China (wat Moses lim use to say in Under One Roof), would it be much simpler in demands and expectations? All we ask for everyday might be a few corns, some sweet potatoes, and maybe occationally a few grains of rice. Life would be so much simple then, with no headaches and worries, dont have to stress urself out for the next car loan payment, dont have to worry about ur credit card bills, dont even have to care abt wat GST or the increment of public transport. You might get a better picture when u get married and have a family to feed. All this, i suppose, are the reasons why there are lesser and lesser pple getting married nowadays. My brother was telling me this the other day when we recieve our cpf updates. He said, "Peng! I can finally afford the toilet! I got 52k in my ordinary account!". I know its a joke, but quite depressing to hear that joke. Makes me wonder, when will i be able to afford even the toiletbowl? I guess most of u will say everything will be straighten out when the time comes. Very optimistic thinking but sorry, by then u would lose almost half of ur hair for brooding and over stressing urself. This is not a discouraging blog but just a personal view of the life we are leading now. I dont think i will wanna continue staying in Singapore and if i can, would like to try out somewhere else where the pace is not tat fast and the demands are not that great. Maybe the ulu ulu province in Southern China suits me better.....or it wont? No idea...

Here i am again! Yeah baybehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~ Becos feels like saying things to no one except mahself...heh...You guys ever offend someone unknowingly? Or simple just cant stand that someone becos he/she is doing something u dont like? I'm sure u have at least once, or maybe more than once. I think someone hates me becos of wat i am, which i dunno wat. Maybe its becos of wat i do and wat i did not do. In another word, they just hate me...heh..Of cos lar, you cant please everybody, or can u? Gotta accept the fact that not everybody is brought up the same way and have the same wavelength. We do have our differences and we dont always agree on the things one another do. So there i goes, i cant stand them as much as they cant stand me. But i just keep my opinion of them to mahself and i do hope they keep their opinion of me to themselves, which obviously they cant.


Maybe i did gossip abt them abit lar....i gotta admit that. But its with close friends of mine. Ok ok....talking behind someone's back is bad...i know i know. But since some of my friend dont even know who the hell are them, wat harm will it do rite? As for the others who knows them, we just kinda agree with each others opinions. Heh...if one person can have a wrong impression of u, a bunch of pple cant make the same mistake. Anyway its just my opinion, and i dont go round telling pple wat kinda arse u are. So spare me with this crap from u, i dont need it. And oh ya, if u think by u can get back at me by making stupid remarks or mocking me, think again. Becos u r just as naive as those kids playing with marbles downstairs...they get back at those pple who won their marbles by insulting their parents. Oh they dont play marbles nowadays? Gee....even kids are getting better than u nowadays....

Ahh...good morning good afternoon good nite good gracious to everybody who is reading this. I dunno wat time u read it so i guess i'll just good everything. I'm kinda amaze with the amount of time i need to sleep. Slept at 4am last nite and got up 10am this morning. 6 hours....hmm....not as little as i've tot...actually 6 hours is quite ample already....I dunno wat i'll be doing today cos its still quite early...not even 2pm.


I read the newspaper this morning when i was shitting. There is this guy who was diagnose with nose cancer and its the result of late treatment. Now the cancer is in its terminal stage all becos he doesnt wanna go see the doc immediately when he feel giddy and pain in the groin area. All becos he wants to witness the birth of his kid. And now maybe he will only get to see the kid for just another few mths or so. Tragic. If only he can think further, having able to see his kid grow up, getting married and things like that, and go get treatment earlier, this kinda tragic story wouldnt have happen. Moral of the story? Plan far ahead, dont just look at the joy u'll be getting now, but the kinda things u will lose in the future. Maybe its time i really really quit smoking. Speaking for mahself....sheesh...


Friends and family, which come first for u? Friends? Family? Most of us would definitely choose the latter one i suppose. But we r just saying that, do we really meant wat we say? I ask this question becos my friends wanna come find me for coffee tonite and have an enjoyable evening toking cocks. In the other hand my bro is planning to bring me and my mom out to have our dinner, but he havent confirm yet. So i'm caught in the middle. I dunno if i should just ask my friends not to come today cos i am going out with my family, but my bro cant confirm things now. Stressed. So i ask him to call me first before he come, hopefully my bro can make up his mind by then. Of cos, if my bro wanna bring me and mom out to eat, i'll definitely go with them. Kewl, i'm so good in time management....for once....

I went to amk today for coffee with another of my partner. Was toking about the other friend of mine who wants to take up this part time course in TMC. Its not tat i dont encourage him to do so but he seems to be having problems handling his language properly. I didnt say mine is fantastic or wat, just that he's having problem spelling simple english. Think he should take up some english courses to at least brush up with his spelling. I think i might need that too... Anyway it rain heavily when i was in amk, and i was forced to go home late...heh...went down to paragon's coffeeclub express to meet up another friend of mine, who was suppose to be in some kinda channel outing. Was kinda stressed up cos i wasnt ready to meet strangers. Nevertheless we had to go cos i was quite urgent...So there we were, sitting down there and enjoying our rambutan freeze. It taste kinda weird....maybe its not rambutan season yet and those are left overs from the previous months. Anyway the rest of the gang arrived and there's this whole chunk of them, 8-9 i think....and this friend of mine is not really good at introducing peeps so i only got to know this ger who stayed behind with us. Her name is Geradine (i got to know that later from my friend cos i didnt catch her clear enuff) and is studying some kinda law courses in temasek polytechnics. Didnt really get to tok much with her but she seems to be quite a cute ger. Haha...was kinda surprise why she didnt ask wat happen to me. Darn those idiots who cant stop staring at me. I always feel like an exhibit when i'm out. Some pple just dont have simple courteous at all. I'm starting to hate this stupid country....or island .


Time really flies when u are enjoying urself. Before i know, its already 11 when i got home. Today my mom cook my favourite dish!! Yay!!! Gong bao ji ding again, or dice chicken with dried chili. Had one big bowl of rice with just that single dish. Full. Bloated. Feels like shitting so there i go again. I shit an amazing 3 times today. Quite a record ever since i got home from the hosp. Usually its once in the morning and thats all. Wahahaha....


I wonder, must we show some anger to somebody before they realise wat they are doing is wrong? Cant they just have some common sense in them? Is there any school that teaches common sense? I would like to enroll a few friend of mine for that course, please, thank u. Just so fucking tired to tok sense into some. They just dont get the fucking picture. Anyway i think i am going out again tomorrow, so i better have an early nite.....or rather an early morning....nite.

Things been getting pretty tense online. The amount of humour pple can take everyday is dropping to a critical level. I'm branded with this chinese idiom when i joke with one of them. She said i hua4 zhong1 you3 ci4 and i cong4 zhe4 her.....it simply means that i got hidden meanings in my words and i'm treating her like some kinda punching bag. I just wonder why would i wanna do that to someone whom i got no dealings with, no relation with, not even contact. Maybe she thinks that sitting at home is too boring and she is just someone whom i can entertain myself with for a couple of hours. Then again, I would rather go toilet to wank than to insult her or humiliate her. Some pple are just not worth to humilate or insult becos they just dont seem to get the message. Its pointless. Did i insult her again? Sorry....i didnt do that on purpose. Maybe its me lar. Its seems to be me all the time....my so call jokes are turning out to be too overwhelmingly hard to swallow nowadays. But think of it this way, if the things u think i am referring didnt happen at all, why should u think that i am referring to that? Get my pt? If u r conscious with certain things i am referring to, then u r just linking urself up with the things i say wat. So somehow its all in u. U r the one who is against ur own. If u r with a clear conscious, why bother abt wat hidden meaning i have in my sentence?
Are u afraid of certain things that someone say to u? If u r, ask urself wat u have done...the problem might lie deep within u.

Argh, just dont like the ideas of watching wat to say and wat not to say online. Suppose to be really carefree speaking in one of those chat program. Seems to me meeting up with pple is such a big mistake. If i dun meet them in the first place, i wouldnt know who the hell they are. And i wouldnt have to really care much abt their feelings. I guess i'll just have to watch my words with those pple whom i meet before. And to those whom i havent meet up with, well, i'll also have to watch mah words for the time being. Till i can find something else better to do than irc that is.

And maybe we're kids who've grown...and maybe not....kewl song. I love suede...they r just so kewl with their brand of music and singing style. "Chemistry Between Us" and "Into The Sea" are just among a few of my fav suede's hit. It bring back good old memories these songs. Listen to them when i was still an army boy. Played the same old disc day in day out in mr armourer workshop. Thats where i pick up smoking too...Its kind of an enjoyment when u r sitting there all alone with one fag and listening to their song. So soothing....Well, being alone is not that bad afterall....just as long u get some shit to do....like FAGGING! wooooohooooooo~


Had a long tok with my friend last nite. My so call "Partner" in business term but i've always regard him as a close friend. Business failed and he is working for my ex staff's dad. His dad sell chicken rice and my friend is helping out in the stall. How life make jokes at us...at first u r mah staff, next moment i am working for ur dad in a chicken rice store. He told me that its boring working down there....cos all the people around him are old folks and they dont have anything much to tok about at all. He's thinking of a job change, some signboard cleaner or things like tat. And he's thinking of taking up nite courses right now. He only studied till sec 2 and wat can u do with just a sec 2 education in singapore? Maybe there is lar...but this kinda job doesnt give u much future. Somehow i felt it was me who landed him into this kinda shit now. If it wasnt me, he might still be in coffeebean working as floor manager and taking home $1500 every mth...or maybe more. Though its him who came to me, telling me he's interested to venture into the business with me, but its still me who came up with this fuck up idea. Maybe its just luck...maybe its just bad economics......maybe its just...me....


i feel like going downstairs for a roll and fag at the same time. Its just so bored staying at home and type type type till the sun goes down. I hate this kinda life..this is not life.. this is....this is....torment....depression...sufferings.....this is worse than hell.