Fucking stoned now...watched 7 straight hours of soccer last night at this outdoor pub call Marquee near China Square. The seats weren't really fantastic so me back was aching thru out the night, not to mention having an aching ass. So I'm not gonna type much this time round.


I'm so fucking sick of asking people out nowadays cos you know what? I had a perfect score when I tried to ask some friends out! No, not that everyone agreed on coming but 6 out of 6 replied me the same thing when I jioed them out to watch football. "I confirmed with you again." Fucking cheebye hell...and you know what? I jioed them 3 days before but some would tell me its too early to decide. And if I jio them the day before, they would say too last minute leow, oledi got other plans. What the fuck?!?! Too early oso cannot, too late oso cannot, then how? What is too early to decide? Ai lai mai lai very easy to decide what. If you made up your mind to go then it means your saturday is already taken up and you will turn down whoever jio you out on that day, simple as that. But when you can't decide, the equation look something like this...


Can't decide = See got other better kangtao or not then decide which one to go.

or

Can't decide = On alert red. Will be activated by gf anytime to go shopping.

or

Can't decide = See sim cheng good or not kar lai gong.


So I strongly disagree with Colin's claim that I am a very important person to these friends and that they will try their very best to attend everything I organize. Very important my lumpa...when 6 out of 6 tell you "confirmed with you again", you know you have lost your mojo long long time ago....


Ok lar...I know when people grow older, they will have more commitments and things can never be the same again when we were all just 20 yrs old. I know I know...just fucking gao weh whenever I du tio people who cannot make up their mind right away and gimme reasons like its still too early to decide, when you jollywell know you definitely wont be able to make it if I ask you on a much later date.


Anyway, there wont be a next time, since I gave up on asking friends out leow.

Fuck man...having a blog is such a drag when you've got nothing to blog about. When I feel damn sian then I wont have anything to blog. Then when I try to blog something, I'd feel that I'm blogging because I'm obliged to do so. Do you know what I mean? Have you been there? Ya lar...ngeh ngeh try to squeeze something out of nothing because I have to keep the blog alive else people will forget my blog then no one will come and read then I'll start to think why am I blogging in the first place if no one is reading it. But then again, I also don't remember why I wanna blog in the first place.


But still, I rather I don't blog at all than come up with stupid video clip showing how a girl pour strawberry milkshake onto a guy and then say, "This will teach you never cheat/hit a woman again!" and then publish in her blog so as to tell people that Singaporean girls are not to be trifle with. I can't even make out what the fuck that bitch was saying! For those of you who wanna take a look at that clip, leave your email address in the comment box and I'll mail you the frigging video clip. Why mail you? Because limpeh dunno how to put flash/video here and also no where to host the fucking clip and limpeh is not so stupid to pay money and host it just for entertaining others. Anyway, its a 7.3++mb mpeg so make sure your mailbox got ample space for such a fucking lame clip.


After watching that clip, I really wonder what fucking lesson that girl want that guy to learn. Don't ever buy strawberry milkshake for your date? Don't sit there dumb dumb like a stupid fucking dork when your date stands beside you furiously? Bring an extra shirt when you suspect you are going out with bitches? Beware of the situation when you realise stupid bitch(es) is(are) standing behind you with dumb nokia phone aiming towards you? Anyway, WHAT FUCKING LESSON ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU FUCKING TWAT~!! If I happened to be that guy, I'd comb my hair and continue eating my chicken wings. Come on, what is so disgraceful about having strawberry milkshake on your head? Got watch how Stephen Chow comb his hair when he kanna whack on the head with a jug of water in 食神or not? No problem~ Just comb your hair and pretend nothing has happened~


Haiya! Girls these days......fucking bo idea one...Either they watched too many movies or they watched too many hongkee/korean/nippon drama leow. What are they trying to prove with that video? That girls nowadays are damn eh sai, and guys better not fucked around with them or prepare to drink strawberry milkshake with their head? Fucking lame lor...I agree that guys who cheated on their girlfriends should be stripped, hang onto Stamford Raffles statue and whipped many many times while asking them " WHO IS YOUR MUMMY!!!! " but doing such a thing(pouring strawberry milkshake on the head) in public is totally unnecessary. It just reflect on your bad upbringing for wasting food. That cuppa strawberry milkshake is not cheap ok! Nabei chow guniang...you dunno the kid sitting next table damn sim tia when he see her pour that cuppa strawberry milkshake on the guy's head. Its bad demostration ok!! Fucked up bitch...


So what is the moral of this entry? If you buay song that your boyfriend cheated on you, jio him come out one to one lar, 笨!! Leave the strawberry milkshake alone or give it to the small kid sitting next to you. And as for the one who came up with this stupid idea to mock the guy by displaying this clip in her blog and gloat over her work, I've only got one thing to say. YOU THINK YOU LIKE THAT VERY SARD AR? TOR SARD(sand beetles) WANT OR NOT?


If you are limpeh's gf, limpeh confirm cheat on you oso! So stupid...pour milkshake niah learn wat lesson? Use fork poke his eyeball and make him blind la 笨!! If you are not so hiong one can oso slap him till his laobu cannot recognise him...pour simi lanjiao milkshake...see already oso dulanz. Orbi you kanna cheat...if you never kanna cheat by boyfriend then is 对不起江东父老 you stupid bitch!!


Kanna bird flu maybe can still use Aspirin cure, but stupid confirm no medicine cure one. Don't die oso waste earth's oxygen. DIU!

[18:18] sweetY618> HI
[18:19] hooligan> HELLO
[18:20] sweetY618> hi
[18:20] sweetY618> intro pls
[18:20] hooligan> intro as in tell u i chup toh loh or wat?(meaning join which gang)
[18:20] sweetY618> ....

Operation Deja Vu

Well, since limpeh is bored again and while limpeh is still feeling fresh, limpeh will reveal to you people what Operation Deja Vu is about.


I wonder if my pal's girlfriend all thinks that I'm the best person to organise surprise party for their boyfriend. Well, of cos limpeh is the best person to do this kind of thing since limpeh is everyday eng eng bo thai chee plus I have all their numbers and they would come because they would give face to me as I have such a big fat fucked up face hehehe...


Jenny copied my number from Russ's phone while he was showering(I learnt about this only on that day itself) and asked me to help her organise a surprise party for Russ. Without any hesitation, I agreed.


Russ is one of my poly days best friend, without a doubt. We would meet, bbs, dine, joke, pee, shit and take the same bus home almost everyday. We shared gossips and tips on how to woo girls. We find every chance to joke about the people we see everywhere we go. Its been really fun going out with Russ. If I have to pick someone who is more witty/can think really fast/humorous/blardy good with words/know how to make girls happy than me, Russ is definitely the one(now everyone will know I owe Russ ALOT of money).


I managed to get Puss, Sabrina, Nan, Ivy, Andy, Lina, Jiaos and Christina to come but didn't managed to get the following...

1) Colin, cos he's in states, feasting on their 16oz. steak.

2) Nate, cos he's off to Batam for their Blue Moon Party.

3) Candice, cos she's going over to Shanghai the following day and yet to pack. I bet she's staying there till Chinese New Year cos she've got so much to pack that she couldn't spare 1-2 hours to get together.

4) Huijun, cos she's having a farewell party.


Andy and Lina were the first to arrive, followed by Puss and me. Although its supposed to be a "surprise" party, we did nothing to ensure that it would be a "surprise" to russ wahahahahaha. Ok, maybe we did try to "surprise" him but due to work commitments, plus Russ is the kind that leaves his workstation on the dot and head home straight, we just cant provide Jenny the surprise she was expecting.


The best thing was...despite it being a "surprise" party, we didn't even try to hide our shoes. Maybe thats the only "surprise" we gave him hahahaha... He was surprised to see so many pair of shoes outside and he only recognise my sandals. Maybe the term "surprise" is different when you're almost 30. No one really bother about jumping out from nowhere and shout "SURPRISE!!" when birthday boy man showed up. That'll deem you as OLD SKOOL or some might say CHILDISH. We've became demure!


No effort, no surprise. Anyway Russ is someone who doesn't show his emotion thru any expression, much like Jiaos. But I am sure he's happy to see us there, though not all showed up. And picture this, someone was writing greetings in HIS birthday card in front of HIM! Hurhur...I rest my case. Anyway, I reckoned celebrating birthday is just an excuse to get together. I was the one who requested to do away the present, since we know each other more than a decade and everyone is near 30 leow. Giving birthday present seem a little weird to me, especially when the recipient is a guy. So no birthday present for Russ~ I believe our presence is his best present already hehehe....


We talked some cock while waiting for everyone to turn up. When Jiaos and Nan came, we couldn't wait anymore and started munching away Jenny's splendid cooking(she said she merely deep fried it but deep frying oso need skills mah..). There were cheegen wings, fish fingers, fishballs, tofuball with meat fillings, otah, fried bee hoon and Jiaos favourite Kiam Hur Char Png(or simply, salted fish fried rice). Although its mostly deep fried stuffs, it is still heavenly cos we were all dying from starvation.


Looking at the amount of food and the rate we were going, as we were behaving like hungry ghost released from the depths of hell, Russ decided to order 2 more pizzas. That, was definitely a wrong move. Why? Because Colin wasn't around lar... We managed to finish 1 pizza and left the other one for the couple's breakfast, lunch and dinner for the entire weekend. One can only truly appreciate Colin's existence when facing this kinda crisis. Kidding lar...hahahaha...


Since our event photographer came late, we didn't managed to capture pictures of the food. However, we did captured moments of the birthday cake before it evanescent into you-know-where.



Nice or not? I buy one leh...mango ice cream cake from swensen~



Birthday boy man obviously. He's 29 oledi ok!!



Jenny and her hubby, the birthday boy man.



Jenny and her hubby, the birthday boy man, again.



The guys...



The girls...



Birthday boy man making a wish...



Blowing off the candle....



Dig in!!!


Ok...you guys must be wondering why I call this "Operation Deja Vu"? Because we did this exactly 10 years ago in our very first chalet! We were celebrating someone's birthday and bought an ice cream cake as well. After blowing out the candles, we realised we've got no knife to cut the cake. Since its an ice cream cake and we've only got plastic spoons, we practically "dig in" and broke a few spoon in the midst of doing so. I'm tempted to show those pictures but I guess someone would rather I don't rake up the past hehe...



Its fun to eat ice cream cake this way you know?



Never thought it would be so so hard...



Be careful not to let photographer take pictures of your cleavage!


Before I end this post, lets take a look at the "almost" full strength(puss and sabrina not included cos puss went to catch spiders with sabrina in night safari)







For those who couldn't join us, I can only say this to you....

"I saw ur blog and I nearly fell off my chair"
"I think he got tapeworm or aliens in his stomach"
lukey, Asianbookie Times Editor

I Don't Eat Alot WHAT!

My very good friend, Colin, ask me out for lunch last Tuesday. As we were on our way to our favourite kopitiam, 123 Kopitiam, he asked me how was my "Operation Deja Vu".


Colin: So how was it?

Me: It was great...except that we couldn't finish the food.

Colin: Everyone must be hoping that I was around right...

Me: You bet!!

Colin: Wah lao..why everyone think like that...I don't eat alot what...


I merely smiled(or should I say LAUGHED SO FUCKING LOUD?) at his reply. We reached our favourite 123 kopitiam soon after, settled down comfortably and ordered drinks. Colin, seeing his favourite kway chup stall closed for the day, decides to have another of his favourite food(god knows how many favourite food he have).


After awhile, auntie finally came to the eagerly awaiting Colin. When I saw both the pig's trotter and bak kut teh in auntie's aluminium tray, I couldn't figure out which was Colin's favourite food. Can you people make a guess?




Yes!!! You've guessed it!! Its frigging both!!!


Can you believe it? Of course you have to...who else can devour 2 person's makanshare but Sir Colin-Eats-Alot? Even David Blaine's Levitation is not as remarkable as how much food Sir Colin-Eats-Alot can store in his stomach. Sometimes I even suspect he is sent to me by myself in the future to eat all the food so I wouldn't be so fat. His stomach is the remarkable 八宝袋 which rumours said that its the 4th dimension inside that bag.


Seeing his bak kut teh depleting as he finishing his bowl of rice, I began to think if he's already full but he had other thoughts...





Way to go brother!! You the MAN!!! 你是最好的，你知道吗? Of course he 知道 lar...he's just too shy to admit niah...





I am happy just to see my friends enjoying their food. Really really...





But don't frigging accuse me of stealing your food!! Damn you...





Colin is a nice guy who used to be quite a blunt dude. He used to say things without considering the consequences. Ever since he started this sales job 3 years ago, he had received that gift of the gap from his manager and colleagues. He is so good with his words nowadays that I actually see myself talk when I see him talk, ten years ago. Nowadays he really know how to Kay-Siao already...








I know the bak kut teh and lor dee kar are nice...but eat slowly la...though we're in a kopitiam, but kopitiam also got kopitiam etiquette what...eat until like that...





Look at the way he savour that lor dee kar...only one word to describe it...





After just 45 mins, Sir Colin-Eats-Alot finished a bowl of bak kut teh(plus 1 more round of soup), a bowl of lor dee kar, two bowls of rice and 2 teh-o.





So now you know why I laughed so fucking loud when Colin told me "I DON'T EAT ALOT WHAT"? Even mister pussy have something to say....





Oh...wrong pussy....I meant this pussy....





Well, that about all I've gotta blog about Colin. So can anyone tell me, what is the moral of this entry?


The moral of this entry is.....WHAT THE FUCK IS OPERATION DEJA VU?!?!!?!?


I'll blog about that another day when I'm not suffering from nicotine deficiency.

Hey, do you guys know what is "KAN SEE LANG SIAN"? Come spend a weekend with me at my place and you'll know what is "KAN SEE LANG SIAN". Confirm you will have a whole new experience of what "KAN SEE LANG SIAN" is about...

erm...I'm going out today to execute Operation Deja Vu. I'll share with you guys again when my mission is accomplished ok? Ok? Ok? Ok? Ok? Ok or not?!?! Ok lar hor? Ok swee!!

Sometimes, I wonder, how smart am I. I think I'm pretty smart, in a sense. So what you guys think? Since you people know me fer quite awhile already.


On a scale of 10, where 1 would be "he is very stupid", 5 would be "he's ok" and 10 would be "he is very smart", where would you put me in? I would say, 7 maybe. What would be your humble opinion of me? Don't worry, this is not a trick question. I won't rape your pet if your answer is below 5. Just answer me truthfully.


I really hate my quick-wittedness sometimes. I really hate that ability to pinpoint things in such detailed fashion. I hate that ability to see things in different angles. I hate that ability to solve complex equations. I hate that ability to talk and charm people. In short, I'm beginning to hate myself.


Is ignorance really a bliss? I used to think thats a fucking spastic consolation inane mofos gave themselves. But now...FUCK!! I'm beginning to think the answer is a big fucking YES!! Its a fucking bliss when you are just an average Joe or simple-minded Alfred.


My life is like rollercoaster ride, except that I don't know when it'd stop. Actually, we are all blindfolded on a roller coaster ride that'll only end when you're tossed out of it. Why blindfolded then? Cos usually we won't know when we are plunging until we begin to feel lighter. That is what most of us are going thru. But you know what? I always try to act smart. I remove my blindfold just to fucking see when I'm plunging and that anticipation lowered my adrenaline rush compared to those who are blindfolded. Too cheem to understand?


What I am trying to say is, I have the ability to see what is coming, and anticipate what are the things that are going to happen next. When I do that, I forgotten all about enjoying while the process is still on-going. It might appear to you as a good thing, but its not to me. I wanna enjoy the thrill of the ride, and in order to do so, I must not be able to see and predict what is coming. But I have the tendency of removing my blindfold and find out when is the next plunge. In another word, I always pitjiak my own lobang. I always spoil my own fun when I found out what is next. Fuck.


Its almost 4 now, I hope I'll be dumber when I get out of bed later on. But how to fall asleep at this moment is the main issue now...

Ok, I'm ready to blog again and hope this time those fuckers will publish me post. YOU HEAR ME, FUCKERS!!!! YOU BETTER PUBLISH MY POST THIS TIME OR I'LL ANAL RAPE YOU SO MANY TIMES THAT YOU WONT EVEN REMEMBER YOUR SURNAME!!!


As I was saying YESTERDAY, have you people heard of this verse "男人不坏，女人不爱"? Look at me...




Such a decent, dashing, charismatic fine young man, how come I'm not attached? The reason is, I'm not paikia enough for girls to fall in love with. Most girls have a caring, motherly nature in them and subconsciously, they think they are endowed with great powers to change a person(especially paikias). They think they can easily turn paikias into ho kias with this power call "LOVE"(ya right!). Hence, I can conclude that in order for girls to fall in love with me, I must have that really really really paikia look.


But how?


Ok, I can find the bestest plastic surgeon in Singapore and have him turn me into Edison Chen lookalike. This bugger is the best example of how a paikia should look like....take a closer look...





Fucking paikia right!! But sad to say, I dont have that kinda money to transform my face into that so I guess I'll have to find a cheaper alternative. Well, I can go 77th Street to get a pair of cheapo shades that only cost $3! Very affordable eh? Ok...lets see how I'd look with a pair of shades...





Wooooooo!! Not bad...not bad at all. Ok, thats a bloody good first step.


What should I do after this? Tattoo!! Yeah man...every paikia have one or more tattoos on them. I can get free tattoo actually. There is one place near Nee Soon Camp where they will tattoo an eagle standing on a globe for you, absolutely free! I guess not many heard of this. An eagle standing on a globe is a tattoo that only members from a certain triad can have. Of cos I can't get that, though its free. I don't wanna kanna chop while eating in coffeeshops. Guess I'll have to fork out more money and go Johnny Two Thumb for my tattoo. I should look like this after getting my tattoo...





Nice bo? Look like pirate bo? Hurhur...next, I gotta get a scar on me face to make myself look as though I went thru alot of shit. Since I don't have the balls to slash meself on the face, I'll get jiaos to do it for me.


But why jiaos?


Simply because that fucker fight like a guniang when provoked. He'd use his fingernails and scratch your face when you make him really really pissed. And the only way to make him really really pissed, is to display pictures of him during those hell days in Ngeeann....





That should do it! Too small to see properly? Of cos cannot you guys see too clearly else jiaos will burst my balls for sure. With these 2 pictures, I'm sure jiaos will be damn pissed with me that he'll come scratch my face tonight. Anyway he has always been jealous that I look so much better than him so I'm sure he'll be more than happy to gimme the nick name "Scarface"....





Ok...we are almost done with that bad ass transformation.


Since paikias are always busy doing pai thai chee(bad stuffs), I doubt they have time to shave. Anyway I'm pretty tired with my clean shaven face so I guess I'll stop shaving and have stubbles. Having that is sexy leh...though it'd be uncomfortable if you rub ur face on your girlfriend's tits. Don't know how it'd feel? Try rubbing a piece of sandpaper on your asscheeks and see how it feels like...


Ok...lets take a final look after that complete paikia transformation...I should look somewhat like this....





How? Nice bo? Can bo? Hurhur...I can see some of you drooling over my new makeover look leow wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha!! Ok...you are not. Fuck...I'm so bo liao right? Ya..cos I'm really bo liao...ok lets see how I'll look if I dont shave for 6 months..I'll most probably look like this....



Hi, my name is Oninama Bin Kaninaden


Mmm see sian meh~~~~ Eh...I better save this before limpeh click publish post...


Hey, wadaya know? Maybe I'll star in the next Pirates Of The Carribbean, taking over Johnny Depp wahahahaha~ The latter can do another kids movie and maybe can call it, Charlie And The White-Chocolate Factory this time....


Courtesy of KS hehehehehehe...

I lost one fucking long post again....blogger is really fucked up at times. Now I'm so bloody dulanz and sian leow so I am not gonna blog anymore...fuck you big time bloggers!!! Your cheebye system sucks!!! BIG TIME!!!!