Its midweek tomorrow! How is everyone feeling? Limpeh have been staying at home for the past 2 weeks because limpeh tendered resignation and limpeh's boss asked limpeh to stay home and keep limbu company because she is heavily pregnant. Colin said this is garden leave and this is the first time limpeh heard of this term so limpeh googled about it:

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[Garden leave or gardening leave describes the practice whereby an employee who is leaving a job (having resigned or otherwise had his or her employment terminated) is instructed to stay away from work during the notice period, while still remaining on the payroll. This practice is often used to prevent employees from taking with them up-to-date (and perhaps sensitive) information when they leave their current employer, especially when they are leaving to join a competitor.]

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Well, garden leave or not limpeh dont give a shit because it is damn song to be home to spend time with limbu and limkia lor. Don't think many of you have the time and energy to bring your kids to the playground after work do you? Limpeh had the privilege to do so for the past 2 weeks and limpeh tell you times like this is priceless man. So limpeh have decided to take limpeh's time to find a job that limpeh would excel in...of cos it is another sales job but limpeh is sick and tired of selling small components and would like to move on to some big and heavy machineries now. Think it is more challenging than drilling down to the dollars and cents because service plays a big part.


Ok, so what are you expecting to see limpeh dissing today? Nothing lar, its not like limpeh purposely find people to diss right? Also limpeh try to find material in limpeh's phone to make fun and 90% of the pictures are about limbu and limkia so how to diss? Go get a good night sleep and come back tomorrow because limpeh is going out and hopefully limpeh can find something along the way to make fun of.


Eh wait...limpeh just found this conversation with limbu on limpeh's phone...we were talking about having more kids and limbu said she wanted 2 more...and this is how the conversation went...

And that's it folks!! See ya next time~

Limpeh should start another blog call LimpehLoveToDiss.blogspot.com. What say you?



Limpeh Love To Diss Episode #1

Click on the picture if you cannot see the comments.

Well, its true limpeh is sibei lame...but isn't that the reason why you love limpeh too?

Limbu was trying to sell away some of her baby stuff that she bought to make her diaper cakes online. She managed to get some cheapo mothers to buy stuff from her and she was busy putting the items into envelopes and send them out. Limpeh was beside her doing limpeh's work and she asked a very challenging question...

Limbu: "Bee..ask you ar...do you know how Singapore Post charge postage? I remember when I was working in Chuang Yi, the postage I use for smaller envelopes are cheaper than the bigger ones..."

Limpeh: "They charge by the weight...lighter ones use 1st local, heavier ones use 2nd local..."

Limbu: "Oh...There is this lady who is only buying 1 pair of socks...but I've only got the big envelopes left. Do you think by folding it into half will make it lighter and therefore cheaper?"

Limpeh: "..........do you think limpeh will weigh lesser if limpeh stand on the weighing scale on one leg?"

Limbu: "Hmm...will you huh? Maybe you will leh..."

Limpeh: "Malawuya....you really think so?!?!?!"

Limbu says pregnant women think slower and might sound really silly at times...limpeh think it is just typical of limbu to sound like that...

Hello everybirdie! How is you today? You know Singapore has been seeing the heaviest of the heaviest downpour for centuries in the last couple of days. Also, they stopped using the word ponding because if they continue to use ponding for this kind of situation, a lot of people especially the younger generation which includes limpeh, will be pondering who to vote for the next GE.


Why oh why, despite our achievements for the last few decades, we are still unable to handle situation like this? Is it because we got not money to develop a good drainage system? It is because our sifu at see bay lor cannot foretell heavy downpour like this beforehand and warn cheng hu? Is it because there are more people now in Singapore and the tendency of littering increases which means the long gao gets choked easier? Is is because Commonwealth is very near Potong Pasir and that is why the under developed town causes the choke in the long gao in Commonwealth and thus the flood? Why? Why are situations happening in the 70s where we were less developed, still happening today?


This, you have to ask the long gao expert for limpeh is just a mechanical engineering diploma holder and no doctorate in long gao engineering. Ok, limpeh lied. Limpeh have a degree downloaded from www.download-a-degree.com.


If you, a Singapore who have migrated to Canada, have someone telling you that the below pictures are from different parts of Singapore, you confirm will say ball call leng air thai chee. But my friend, the pictures below, taken from http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking-news/singapore/story/heavy-rain-causes-flashfloods-traffic-jams-several-parts-singapore-201 are indeed pictures taken from different parts of Singapore on 5th September 2013.

Imagine you and your gf/bf come here to say i love you and you love me then kiss kiss touch touch while the rain was pouring. By the time you guys finished touching, the rain stopped and this is what you see in front of you, your would've thought this is the training ground of Leicester City Football Club.

Imagine you have a date with your gf to celebrate mooncake festival and you waited for her at her block while she was dolling herself up for the night. Since you know she takes a long time doing that, you decided to play Candy Crush while waiting in your car. 1 hour later you wait until you buay tahan and decided to go up to your gf's place to ask her faster. You open the car door. Its time to go Leng Kee to buy new car leow.

Imagine you work very very hard for years and have always dreamt of owning a Mercedes Benz. You finally saved enough to choot chia and you've just collected it from Leng Kee Merz showroom. You look forward to drive back to your neighbourhood and show off to your neighbours who always felt that you cannot make it in life. You turn out onto the AYE. You thought you have reached the shores of Phuket instead.

You favourite game show on TV is The Unbeatable Banzuke. You finally get to star in one. You also got reprimanded for climbing the fence and tried your best to attend school because you were taught that truancy is wrong. All the values you have learnt in school are washed down the drain with the flood on that very day because you were reprimanded for trying your best to go to school as taught by your teachers. The one that reprimanded these students should be jailed for 40 years and publicly caned in the prison canteen for doing that.


So, you gotta ask yourself why this is happening in Singapore. Do you hear this kinda thing happening in New York? No. Do you hear this kinda thing happening in London even though it rain throughout the year? No. Why then why, this is happening in Singapore?


Do you think you want to go through this kinda shit your entire life? Limpeh think you do. Good luck, limpeh's fellow country man, good luck and best of luck. Limpeh, limbu nor limpeh's kids are going to endure this kinda shit.


Moral of the story? Shit happens. Do something about it and cut the crap about saying what is not acceptable or find excuse why this is happening. It happened in Orchard road already, now Commonwealth area. Limpeh really hope that the next place will be the Istana.

Limbu: "bee, how do you write "Happy Teacher's Day" in chinese?"

Limpeh: "教师节快乐 lor"

Limbu: "ya i know it is 教师节 but i dont know how to write 教.....

Limpeh: "Don't know how to write just draw a bird then 师节快乐 lor....so it will look like this...
 
         

Limbu: "......."

Dunno is it because as one gets older, the more one wants to go home or is it just limpeh? Limpeh is feeling really jaded everyday and can't wait to go home and blow limpeh's lumpa by sitting on limpeh's bed with the fan infront of limpeh. Cool, another sentence with 4 limpehs in it.


Really leh...limpeh kept thinking about that position all day long...that oh-so-fucking slack position at home. Next time limpeh's home oso must have this kind of setup where limpeh get to air limpeh's ball infront of the fan.


Just as the day gets boring, ah diang sure have something to say that brightens limpeh's day...


[3:34:42 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: anyway yufen and ah fong's wedding, they only put "you are cordially invited"

[3:34:53 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: meaning u dont have to go cos they bo put "cordially invite u and partner"

[3:35:12 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: so i go enough, u stay at home and feed the cat

[5:01:49 PM] Ah diang says: why i stay at home and feed cat!

[5:01:54 PM] Ah diang says: I wan to eat hor liao

[5:02:34 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: knnz..must pay $$ one ok, you know yin zhua zee (photostat money) is sala one or not?

[5:02:40 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: so u dun go, stay at home feed cat

[5:02:41 PM] Ah diang says: but i want to go... :~(

[5:15:21 PM] Limpeh Ψ says: by the way, why they always use "cordially" huh? Cordial is not those very very thick juice that needs to add water one meh? Does that mean they um soo (hint) you angbao to bao thick thick??

Goose morning kids!! Wassup man...today is Tuesday and limpeh is feeling great for good things are about to come limpeh's way!!


Anyway the Bale saga has ended. He signed for Real Madrid for £85.3m!! You know how much he makes per week? £300,000 my friend!!! If someone were to come and ask limpeh to join them to make £300,000 per week for the next 6 years, use kar chng to think also will join immediately right? Afterall, why did he work so hard at the training ground for? To play for the club forever like Giggs? What are you thinking? Man Utd is the team won 20 BPL titles and is always in UCL whereas Spurs is hovering around the top 5/6 for the last few seasons. If limpeh is Bale limpeh will also join RM. Don't think anyone would be so stupid and loyal to his club so much so that he give up the chance to join one of the most prestigious club in the world and earn almost US$2,000,000 a month. US$2,000,000 a month my friend!!!!! You know how much is US$2,000,000 a month or not? Thats US$24,000,000 a year ok!!!!! Just for kicking ball in the field!!!! Wah lan eh..this is damn sick can...limpeh feel like vomiting just thinking of the amount of money limpeh see in my bank account every week.


If someone were to tell you in Singapore that if you can tak very good kiew you will be able to make millions of dollar, you would slap him left right centre and call him siao eh. But that is the truth my friend, tak kiew can bring you millions of dollar...imagine retiring at the age of 35...seriously...if you ask limpeh, limpeh also dunno do what if limpeh were to retire at 35 with that much money...


And so, we stepped into the month of September already. Time flies...in about 12 weeks time limpeh is going to become limpeh once more. A baby girl this time...limpeh is still trying to come up with a name for her...wanted to name her 陈语嫣 but limbu say the chinese word is too difficult to write leow and also her kantangness in her thinks that our daughter's future friends/classmate/schoolmate/boys that like her/girls that hate her will call her 鱼圆. Please lar...why you bother about those people who don't have 修养 and 涵养? Only kantang like her will be calling 语嫣 as 鱼圆...it doesn't even sound close. Anyway we will see how it goes...maybe limpeh should name her after a girl whom limpeh sian bay tio? How about 陈小敏？Nice? What about 陈丽霞？Or 陈可慧？陈丽芬？陈柳蓉？陈海伦？陈锦清？The list goes on and on hahaha...limpeh never have luck with girls....all sian bo...just like jiaos who became 姐妹 with the girls he wanna sian...fucking sibei loser can hahahaha...worse than limpeh....


Ok, time to close this post...so brothers and sister...what is the moral of this post? 人是现实的，人是向钱看的。钱不是万能的，但没钱是万万不能的!! Therefore don't feel ashamed if you have to move elsewhere just to find more money for yourself and your family because you are just like everyone else. We are just like everyone else so dont give limpeh the kinda crap that what and what is more important than money. The only 2 things that are more important than money are only health and family. The rest are irrelevant if you don't have money. Period.