Hey pple out there~ Its Valentine's Day~ Kewl....This day dont really mean much to me till i was like 20? Yeah...had just learn how to play this thing call BBS during mah time in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. First time in mah life i recieved a Valentine's Day gift from someone whom i've not met before. Well, cant really recall her student number but can never forget that nick of hers...leaf. She gave me some chocolates, bundled up and a card she made herself. Dunno where the card go and the chocolates were, well taken care of hehe....Since then, this day, 14th of Feb, became special. I'd recieved something from someone ever since 1994, without fail. Not that i have a gf every year, but its more like pple pity me sorta thing hahahaha....they knew that i would not get anything from someone cos there's no one admiring me or any sort like that. So they gimme something, some sort of a consolation or merely out of friendship, so i wont feel so blue abt it. Well, i've got this sour feeling back then whenever someone get something from someone special and i get none. I yearn fer love, i yearn fer someone to care fer, i yearn fer someone to embrace. I dun really have the balls to tell someone "i like u" or even k siao and get close to em. Oh ya, theres one really close female friend during that time. I like her alot but she seems to only wanna keep me as a friend. Then theres this guy in the same department who's wooing her as well. One fine day he just came up to me while i was having mah lunch in Canteen 4. Shook mah hand and tell me something like "Sorry, but i got the last laugh". Yeah they've become an item. Feel really stupid then. I just pause for a moment, wondering wat was that for. I stop contacting her after that. Avoid places that those two will show up. I tot the ties between the two of us would end too. It didnt till year 2002, or has it? Been draggy all the while. Its much like Forrest Gump and Jenny, very similar, except the part that Jenny had sex with Forrest and gave him little Forrest some years later before she died. I like her alot, but i have never ever take advantage of her, not even a kiss or something like a hug. At most, she only lie on mah thigh or shoulder to get a rest. I dont dare to touch her i wonder why. Sometimes i wish i was bold enuff to do something without seeking her consent. So thats how i spend mah poly days, being a chicken wuss when it comes to expressing mahself.


Army days just zoom pass, without time fer u to stop and find love. Had one gf just before i ORD. But its a crappy relationship so i rather not mention here. The time between getting a job after ORD must be the most havoc time i've ever got. Took 6 mths before i got mahself a job. Was having a great time then. I'm out almost everynite, be it coffee session in nearby coffeeshop or at Forum's CoffeeBean. If not, its MadamWong. Thats how i got to know Fion and later got to know mah first gf, Yvonne. I adore her alot. She's not exactly a beauty, though she constantly think so. Thats mah first ever relationship that i really try to make things work. It didnt. Maintaining a relationship is much harder than wat i picture in the past. It takes alot of perseverence, and i mean ALOT~!!! We broke up after 1 yr and 3+ months. Maybe its the wrong time for her to appreciate me then, afterall she's just 19 and i'm 25. She wasnt sure wat she wants so she's like having lotsa 2nd tots. Something drastic happen so she can break herself away from me, or maybe she made that drastic incident out to make me break away from her. No idea, it doesnt matter now cos i think she's getting ROM this yr or next. Already got herself an executive condo wif her beaut according to mah da si mei.


After that i've got like 3 more gfs but none last fer more than a yr. I dunno why i cant seem to....settle down with someone. Or maybe i wanna settle down but time and luck doesnt allow me to. "You doesnt know wat u want lar", Kelly said. Partially true. You dunno wat u want so u settle for anybody that comes along. Correct. You know wat u want and so u settle with this girl but later u find out the things u want from her, she cant give. So u broke up with her. Correct too. So which is which? Heh...beats me. By now, i cant be bothered with wat i want or who i want. I know there are somethings i dont want, but i cant tell u wat are the things i want. This is not like going to the market, where u can handpick every single item u want and refuse to buy those u dont want. You can only wish and hope, ur partner do things as close as possible to ur liking. You cant exactly have wat u want in mind, but u can learn to compromise and live with wat u've got. Afterall, he or she is going to be there with u fer like 40 yrs or so. And trust me, 40 years is not as long as u tot it is...Last but not least, Happy Valentine's Day to all of u out there who's reading this. I hope i didnt dampen ur mood reading this hehe...