Somehow i've forgotten abt why i wanna blog in the first place. I'm adjusting mah way of typing to suit the various readers i have. I've long forgotten its becos i wanna find a place to unwind and whine, freely. I'm self-conscious. I like pple to look at me the way i want them to be looking at me. Anything else other than wat i want is unacceptable, or rather, undesirable. But why do i care so much abt how others look at me? No, only to a few, not all. I wanna keep them as my friends as my life slowly drips away like a candle. But sometimes i think, do they want u as their friend forever as much as u do? Maybe yes, maybe no. Its hard to tell wat pple want sometimes. I dont have the mind of Nostradamus. I cant predict the future. Perhaps living life in a way that pple want isnt as hard as u think, much like life in NS. You do as u're told, nothing more nothing less. In that way u please ur superiors, like how u please ur folks, ur siblings, ur friends, ur enemies. If u have the chance to make someone happy, why not rite? But pple would get use to u pleasing them. And when the time comes, when u feel like pleasing urself once and disrespect ur folk's ur sibling's ur friend's ur enemy's decision, all that things u did in the past to please them have suddenly became redundant and forgotten. Then u dunno why u please them in the first place since it seems to be useless later on. Hence u turn into wat u are now, self centered son of a motherless goat. Then u start going ard pissing pple off. Your folks and siblings give up on u. Your friends left u, Your enemies cant even stand u being an enemy. Then one day, u realise u're so alone, u feel like crying. Nothing came out of ur eyes. You've long forgotten how to cry. You feel so alone and stranded in no mans land. You wonder why are u still around in a world without love and care. U hate urself and u wanna die. But most dont have the balls to do it, some just cant be bothered with life anymore and just pull the trigger. For those who dont have the balls to do it, u realise wat u did becos of a few person is totally wrong. "Izzit too late to turn back and start doing the so call rite thing?", u tot. So u start socialising again and start pleasing pple again to gain love and care in return. Then the whole cycle repeats itself again when someone disregard the things u did fer them in the past. U are running in circles, if u have not notice that yet. Humans disappoint one another. Humans hurts one another. Humans exist for the wrong reasons. World we r living in now, is not neccessary much better than life during the stone age. We are not neccessary going forward in the evolution cycle....