Wow!!!! Its May already.....so wat have you accomplished? Nothing? Good! Thats wat everybody else is doing! Nobody accomplishes anything in this chaotic era. The war over at Iraq has ended. Saddam's knocked over by his own pple. I mentioned this before? Did i? Ok, its been awhile since i blogged. My brother has sold his V3 and got himself a S45 at $800. Conehead's(my brother) loaded i must say. I'm still wondering if i should call TTSH for my review follow-up. They called me the other day telling me my review's been postponed and asked me to call them back in 2 weeks time. Its been 3 weeks and still i'm still pondering over it. Wat if they ask me to go now? TTSH leh my friend....i dont wanna risk getting SARS by going there. But how's mah bone doing? No fucking idea. So its a struggle within. On one hand i wanna know how am i doing, on the other i'm afraid of going there..hahaha...wat an contradictory. Fuck...life is all about contradictory. A friend msg me in icq last nite and got screwed by me...well, not really screwed but i guess i was quite harsh. I see her online all the time but she didnt msg me or anything till last nite. Here's how the conversation go...

zzz: *giggle giggglee* ho bo ?!?! ltnc liao
me: ya ya.......still the same....wat wind blowing today? how come suddenly msg me?
zzz: northeast wind lor ..how's ur leg ??
me: still the same....hmm....northeast wind..tot this time only got southern wind...got northeast aR?
zzz: got !! i create one mah! hehehee...still cant move ??
me: can move but cant walk yet
zzz: then how come so long still cant walk walk ?!?!
me: bone havent joined up
zzz: terok leh ..is it cant walk walk .. or u didnt wish to walk again ?? :<
me: hmmm...where got pple dont wish to walk? (i am trying to suppress my disgust.)
zzz: why leh ?!?! *look up at anyone*
zzz: how i know ?!?! maybe u got some pretty girl lookin after u leh ?? *giggle giggglee*
me: ......(trying real hard not to get pissed off.)
zzz: then what do u do everyday at hm ??
me: nothing lor...play irc icq surf pak game
zzz: not sianz meh ??
me: sianz
zzz: i everyday stay home do nothin also sianz .. :< that's why i can imagine u much much more sianz lor ..got find things to do ?
me: just mentioned the things i find to do lor hehe....(trying to pretend i'm ok.)
zzz: chat chat will get bore also ..
me: ya then wat u expect me to do? (patience running out.)
zzz: *shrug shrug* fasterly learn to walk walk !! *giggle gigglee*
me: well, there are some things in life that u want badly but u cant achieved it my friend...(getting kinda heated up leow.)
zzz: okiee lah .. dun further bore bore u liao ..i leave u alone .. :x
zzz: i think i make u frustrated liao ..sorry .. *turn around and walk walk away*
me: u tok like everybody else u know that? everyone thinks i wanna be like this till now..ridiculous rite? i want this meh? dohz! (enemy retreat i advance hahaha...)
zzz: sorry ..
me: nevermind...its ok...u dont have to apologise...i forget u r just like everyone else who just appeart all of a sudden and expect me to be jumping around already (volcano eruption.)
zzz: dun like that say say leh .. i guess we're just bein concern ..
zzz: like that also gd gd mah .. self-quarantine .. no scare kena sars hor ?? :P
me: concern dont come this way....concern is an on-going affair...u dont just be concern all of a sudden...this all of a sudden concern seems more like a formality to me...a heading in a conversation...examples are like jiak ba bey, ho seh boh kinda thing.....and to be frank with u, this sars joke aint funny at all....(cant take it anymore.)
zzz: *look down with guilt*
me: its ok la...guess u r just another person molded by ur predecessors....sorry but i dont really enjoy this conversation...guess i'll seeya another time...ciaos

Ok i guess i am just frustrated by all these hypocrites or false concern or watever u call it. Its been bugging me fer almost a yr these so call formalities. So sick of it...And i dont understand why pple choose to walk into traps and give themselves all kinds of silly excuses like its better this way, i'm like that, becos if its like that i'll have no expectations, i know wat i am doing, i dont fall in love easily so i'm not afraid. U think u know urself well enuff? Think again. U think its better this way? Think again. U think u know wat u're doing? Think it this way, "You know wat u are doing but u dunno why u are doing it". All this dont happen just out of a sudden. U made it happen by nourishing it from the way u handle it. U dont understand why u r always getting junks becos u r acting like a rubbish truck, and rubbish truck gathers junks. Junks dont drop by when its unwanted, when u make them feel unwanted. Man..this has nothing to do with me but why am i so pissed over it. I'm just baffled by ur claims of "u know wat u r doing and yet dunno why u are doing it" gestures. I tot u should've know how all those things happened in the past actually happened but no, u r showing me u dun realise how the fuck it happened. And u've been telling me yes u know, no u dont and then yes u know again and again and again. Things dont just happen my dear friend. Bush fire dont just run wild for nothing. Volcano dont just erupt cos they feel like it. Earthquakes dont just struck any places they want. Tsunamis dont hit every bay now and then. Einstein said, for every action, there's an equal but opposite reaction. A body at rest will always remain at rest unless an external force acts on it. Simple physics law can explain how life really works, or maybe u just want it to work that way. NOTE : YOU WANT IT TO WORK THAT WAY. I rest my case. Sucky weather these days....glaring sun a moment, sunken sky another. Looks like its going to pour soon....perhaps i should catch a nap or something...its kinda boring to be online 24/7.....sleeping is a drag too, man....