Hello big, medium, small and puny fuggers, limpeh is back blogging once again. Life was pretty stressful these couple of days because limpeh had to complete limpeh's Sales Forecast and Budget Outlook for 2010. It was not an easy task because limpeh had to speculate a lot based on past statistic and market news. Limpeh dunno why need to spend so much time doing this...come on and just tikum lar...just make use of the time taken to collect these data and go See Bay Lor to tiam you for GuanYimMa and ask GuanYimMa to dorlong will do...like that more efficient mah...


So limpeh had completed this and was sick for a few days. Nothing serious, just eyes puffy + aww leng tia + siong hong + pee kang dio tart + bo gao koon + still have to help ah diang move to her temporary house in Toa Payoh. Ah diang's dad and limpeh to be laopeh-in-law wants to renovate his current house so ah diang has to move to another place first because the whole house will be fugging luan and not suitable to stay. What kind of renovation that needed ah diang to move to a temporary place to stay first? From one storey build till 3 storeys lor. Big fug right? Big fug meh? Limpeh house is 9 storeys high limpeh also diam diam leow, what is 3 storeys?


Anyway ah diang also quite sard lar...move to stay in temporary house also move to condominium leh mai siao siao. Limpeh last time though people staying in condominium is sibei big fug but that impression has changed ever since limpeh helped ah diang to move into this temp apartment last Sunday. Firstly, that lanjiao place's carpark got more pillars/columns than the Roman Colosseum. You know what is the Roman Colosseum or not? That one where Russell Crowe fought with the tigers and lions and a lot of people cheering one lor!



That lanjiao place's carpark got as much or more pillars/column than the Roman Colosseum.


And not just that, the fugging gap between the pillars/columns is so fugging tight and the turning angle is so acute!! Limpeh was only 2 inches away from the pillar when limpeh was turning! Now limpeh is not trying to say limpeh's car is big but ah diang's father who was driving a Honda Stream also kaopeh the lanjiao carpark is gan see lang small. Don't believe? Pay a visit at Oleander Towers at TPY Lor 1. Limpeh confirm plus guarantee you the person who designed that carpark was either riding on a Yamaha RXK or driving a Subaru Viki to work.


And so, limpeh no longer think condo is such big fug leow...limpeh's HDB carpark is a lot bigger than theirs with so many people sharing.


So after helping ah diang move into that lanjiao condo, we went Shaw Lido to watch Julia and Julie and had Pepper lunch before that. Limpeh guess this is a common thing for you fuggers out there but definitely not for limpeh and ah diang. Limpeh is sorry to say that limpeh seldom go walk walk in town with ah diang because:

1) Limpeh can't fit into most of the clothes found there;
2) Limpeh cannot afford the things they sell there;
3) Limpeh cannot tahan the traffic there;
4) Limpeh feel out of place there;
5) Limpeh just don't like to go there.

So obviously ah diang was elated when limpeh agree to watch moobee with her at Lido although Lido got lanjiao seats.



See, eat one pepper lunch also must take photo. This shows how precious it is to eat fast food with limpeh in town. Sorry hor ah diang, limpeh promise that limpeh will try to go to town more often with you next time! Limpeh free will bring you go town council to pay maintenance every month end ok?


Just nice the Christmas decorations are up so we took the chance to take some pictures and behave like tourists.



Pose nice nice to take picture!



Ok done!



Eh...limpeh got on flash leh...ok maybe stand nearer to take again...



Ok, limpeh's flash is laoya one...led flash only..not xenon so bo bian la...later go home touch up with photoshop and make your face sharper at the same time ok?



HEY! The flash is working leow! Eh...why you turn away? Don't angry lar..the most dont photoshop your face lor...



Thats better! Hey, are those what they call "Ding Dong Balls Ding Dong Balls, hanging on the wall" behind you?


With those balls still dangling in mid air waiting for Rudolph to come pluck them, we ended our once in a blue moon trip to town. Limpeh went back to Wheellock place to get limpeh's car but just as limpeh pushed the trustworthy start engine button, limpeh's car coughed a bit and went back to sleep. Limpeh pushed again and this time it didn't even both to cough. Fug. this is the exact reason why limpeh hated electronics stuff. They just die on you without the slightest hint and this had to happen at the basement of a multi storey carpark. IT IS FUGGING WARM CAN? Ah diang found limpeh's Manulife prospectus and told limpeh, "Luckily we got Manulife!!". She's been bugging limpeh to invest but limpeh is just not interested so she will find every little chance to remind limpeh. Ya, this reminded limpeh to start clearing rubbish from my car.



Wait for the technician to come help limpeh wait until hair all white leow hai...


It took about an hour before the 24hrs Volvo On-Call guy came. His face was like quite buay song and told limpeh must be you forget to off the lights thats why cannot start. Fug you lar..limpeh's car light will off when limpeh off engine one lar so mala wu call leng forget to off lights. Will you forget to tng kor when you go pang sai? Automatic one mah...Anyway sua, since you came to limpeh's aid, limpeh will not 一般见识 with you. Turned out my battery sot and sot the whole system. Changed the batt and everything's back to normal woohoo!! Its already 1am when all the problems are fixed...finally can go home sleep...but to limpeh's horrid...limpeh saw this!!



Knn...mala got cat like that sleep one?



And this?!?! Bloody hell...you two are siblings so how can try to 69?!?!?




This is just a random pic limpeh took when limpeh was caught waiting at the cargo area because rain was pouring down. Limpeh saw this van there and the driver was having coffee at the nearby coffeeshop. Ya right, rain or shine lumpa. Rain or shine you will also take your time more like it.



And this is limpeh's favourite site.. SGROC, Singapore Relax One Corner site. Always relax one corner and never pay money till the site always tio suspended. Cheebye...


And that marks the end of this entry. So tell limpeh, what is the moral of this entry? When marketing say their condo location is good because near MRT stations, they actually mean that their carparks are fugging small so those who drive cars can either change to ride motorcycles or forget about buying our condo cos you will definitely regret it you fuggers!!!

Hello all you small big medium puny humongous fuggers! Its limpeh again~ How is everyone doing man! Limpeh realised limpeh's blog like got more and more unique and returning visitors each day...dunno izzit because ah diang always go around and boon to her friends that her limpeh is damn funny...


You know, last time limpeh blog used to be quite popular until limpeh got a fan who came up to limpeh at Tampines Giant and get limpeh's autograph ok! Ok ok...sorry for getting too carried away but it is damn song to have people recognising limpeh and praise limpeh...so thank you everybody and ah diang for publicizing limpeh's blog...limpeh should've gotten an ah diang who is doing PR and limpeh might be more choot mia than Xia Xuay...


Ok, back to limpeh's adventure. Limpeh's friend Timothy, has married a fine young lady who has brainS!!! Why like that say leh? Cos this bugger last time always complain his girlfriend bo nao...knn...wu nao won't choose you leow loh!! :X


Anyway, limpeh cannot believe he is married leow cos he is like those flower flower gong zi you know? Imagining him getting married is like imagining Spurs beating Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium with David Bentley playing Lennon's position and Robbie Keane playing Modric's position. Ball call leng air thai chee you know? Skally he ga ga get married...cannot be shotgun cause limpeh know he always fire blank waahahhahhaa...kidding lar..but limpeh don't have any picture of those 2 to share but only ah diang's heavily make up face to share...



Ah diang happily telling people how much money she spend on the makeups...actually everything cost S$25 niah cos she got good kangtao from Far East Plaza. Wanna know what kangtao? Call her lar...



S$25 dollar makeup still got free fake eyelashes ok!! You see, the eye lashes even longer than limpeh's armpit mor...



Actually ah diang quite swee leh..limpeh told her she looks like Cynthia Koh minus the fake nose...hopefully with this, she will let limpeh buy limpeh's dream watch Panerai 285 yay!


And so, limpeh's good friend Timothy has finally decided to settle down so limpeh would like to take this chance and wish him happy humping the same girl for the rest of his life wahahahahahaha....


As limpeh said in limpeh's previous post, limpeh was going to Saigon for an exhibition and so here limpeh am, on the soil the yankees call Nam and the Namese call home. Vietnam...



Look left...bo simi lang...



Look right...also bo simi lang...but the airport looks quite clean la..limpeh thought will have chickens runnning around...maybe watch too many Hamburger Hill leow...



Welcome to Ho Gao Gan City where the grass is green and the girls are filthy!



Can you pronounce these words? Its pronounced as "Ouch, My Argh". A Foot Massage Palour...



How come they also got Tekka? Where are the banglas?



This is their famous Broken Rice! Dunno you watch Anthony Bourdain's A cook's tour or not...there is the episode where he went to vietname where they had to smash the claypot to serve the rice in it. Hence the name broken rice...not eat the rice eat until broke that kind of broken...



This is their drumstick...of cos small lar...people also cannot eat full already you think the chickens will be fed till fat fat meh?



One of the streets where there are many people ask you if you want girls or not. Wang so many for what? Got one back at home already tao tia...still come here and find foreign tao tia...knn....



see what limpeh told you about the puny chicken? These 3 chickens can feed 8 household ok!!



Usual night scene, nothing special. Put here just to prove limpeh W995 is ho eh!



Next day at Saigon Exhibition and Convention Center. Quite modern hor?



Wah this bowl of fugging pho is fugging good man!! It's pronounced as Fer and not Foe so dont xiaxuay people and say you want a bowl of Beef Foe. The vietnamese will Foe your kotek and shove it up your ass.



This is the best cuppa coffee limpeh had ever drink in limpeh's life!!! It is damn good until one will almost cry sipping it...Firstly, you wait for it to drip finish...



Then you stir it well with the condensed milk



TADA!!! The best thing in life is not sex, its Kaf Phei Sue Da!! This cuppa little thing can kick all the Starfucks and CoffeeBeen back to the Ang mo land...



Limpeh like the vietnamese dress alot...you can see the girl's body contour leh woohoo...knn..look at those legs....reminds limpeh of that porridge stall in Chinatown...



Woohoo!! Time to go home leow!!! Lets get the fuck out of this lanjiao place man...



Ah nia, Ang Mai Sio Kan?



The traffic there is jialat until cannot jialat leow. At first when limpeh go Orchard road on Saturday limpeh thought it was bad. Then limpeh go KL limpeh thought KL was the worst leow. Then limpeh went Bangkok and limpeh thought you cant be worse than this. Now limpeh in HCM and it was like knn...how the fuck did they managed to bring in all these motorbikes? Hopefully, limpeh don't have to go India. Limpeh see cow limpeh will slap them silly one...



Looks like Vietnamese also don't like to wash their truck..look at all those jiaosai on that truck...oh..thats not jiaosai? Its an army truck with camouflage? Camouflage as cow consider as camouflage? You think enemy will think thats a cow when they see it from the sky? Cowzilla issit? Wonder why the yankees can still lose the war here...kaoz..



time to go home leow!! see you back in Singapore!!!


And that marks the end of limpeh's Ho Chi Minh adventure...don't worry, there are more to come but tell me first, what is the moral of this entry? Don't think you can get away selling us Palm oil as petrol...we all know what oil you are selling when WRX pump your petrol and lose pick up to a Picanto.


Lastly, my pride and joy!!

Hello all you fuggers!! Paiseh hor, limpeh don't have anything to show in this entry but just to tell you fuggers to stay tune cos limpeh is heading to Saigon tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday. Limpeh go there see see got what interesting thing to take and post ok? Wah...suddenly limpeh feel like Anthony Bourdain...dunno will meet any pretty Miss Saigon or not hor?

Hello little fuggers, big fuggers and martha fuggers!! Its nice to see all you fuggers start visiting limpeh's blog again. Its been a fine month and it passed by so quickly and without limpeh knowing, its gonna be payday soon!! Really leh...pay come so fast and go so fast till limpeh also dunno where limpeh kai those lwee..cheebye...


Why time passed so quickly leh? Maybe because limpeh is always busy with limpeh also dunno what. Just last week, limpeh was mobilised to Bangkok with a 2 days notice to deliver some shit. It was like Amazing Race you know? Limpeh had to rush to Changi cargo terminal to pick up goods at 8.30am and then rush to catch a plane to Bangkok at 9.30am and deliver the goods to customer at Bangkok's outskirt by 1.30pm. FWAH LAN EH!!! Can die man...but luckily managed to complete the task given so everyone chio bee bee...


After that things were rather relax cos limpeh's mission was just there to deliver goods. My colleague Yack from thailand then brought us to walk around and eat duck bee hoon soup. We ate duck bee hoon soup in the morning and we ate duck bee hoon soup in the night but not in the afternoon cos afternoon at the CNG station that has nothing but Sun, Sun and more Sunlight. Anyway Yack only knows where got nice duck bee hoon soup and dunno anything else but duck bee hoon soup. Luckily he knows where got Mcdonald's so we managed to get Samurai Pork Burger...at least something different from duck bee hoon soup cos limpeh is not really a duck person...fuck person maybe but definitely not duck person.



Mah Boon Krong...those who always go Thailand find ah kuas should be familiar with this place...this place dwaft Mustafa Center man...fucking fucking huge with loads of things to see and buy..



This is limpeh's colleague name Yack. Actually his name is Wisanu Jompakdee but because he talks a lot, we call him Yackadoodle so short form just call him Yack. He is a good country boy who knows nothing but bring his guests to eat duck bee hoon soup and showing off his THB1,500 Rolax Substandardmariner.



Limpeh is sure you know who this fucker is. He is Alvin, limpeh's loyal apprentice who eats almost everything and anything. He too, bought the THB1,500 Rolax Substandardmariner with Yack and showing off in the picture. He is damn Giam Siap and has been considering to buy a Mont Blanc pen or not for more than 15 months already but still cant bear to part with that money. Don't think he is poor ok, this fucker's 3 months commission is more than a fresh grad's half year pay. Now tell me, is he a Giam Gu? Of cos, dead sea also not as giam as him...



This is the duck bee hoon soup that limpeh ate day and night during the trip. Knnz..limpeh one year's duck quota was consumed in 2 days when limpeh stayed in Bangkok for 2 days.



This is Chicken's Lumpa. Kidding lar... But limpeh really dunno what is this, maybe some kind of meat balls made from chicken's lumpa. Then you wonder, whats the point??!?!



This was taken off a bridge at limpeh-also-dunno-where. The bridge got running light one leh...quite swee but limpeh dunno whats the point also...liao dian..waste electricity...the Thais really gan bo liao at times...



This is the street leading to a place where girls would spread their legs for $$. Those thai prostitutes are fucking young ok! Average age should be 15 or 16 niah...so ke lian..but some are damn swee while others look like airpork. By the way, you see the emblem infront of the car? Limpeh travel around in Merc while in Thailand ok!! Knnz...limpeh's industry is really ho tan..



And so...limpeh ended limpeh's short trip to Bangkok and came back with a luggage full of snacks!!! Wooohooo, the only comfort from this trip...



Eh? How come got one cat in the suitcase? Cheebye...later limpeh kanna charge for bringing in illegal immigrant...


And that ends limpeh's latest adventure! So tell limpeh, what is the moral of this entry? As long as you've never seen big snake pang jio, dont tell people you are damn kiang ok? Limpeh? Limpeh see big snake pang jio grow up one...so do you think limpeh kiang or not?


Anyway,ah diang told limpeh that she wants to book a limo for our wedding that costs $800!! She siao or wat? Book one day for $800..limpeh can buy 2 Panerai strap with that already ok!! Kia mm zai lor...actually limpeh oledi got good and free kangtao for her but she don't want...knnz...limpeh's boss wanna lend limpeh his SLK or VW Phaeton she mai, say too common le..limpeh was thinking ok what..for one day only, must really dua kang until so dua meh?? Then another colleague told limpeh she can lend me her Lexus SC430 if limpeh want...dunno ah diang will like this one or not hor?



Swee bo this car? No, this is not limpeh's new car but limpeh's colleague's car which limpeh is thinking of borrowing it for limpeh's ROM. Hopefully by then limpeh's colleague haven't sell away..



4.3 litre engine leh...one year's road tax 5k+...you can tahan or not??

Hello everybirdie! Limpeh log on to tell story again but limpeh is not gonna talk about that chow ah lian anymore. Limpeh gonna show you how chum limpeh is trying to be the best guy in town, probably in Batam as well.


Ah diang loves to take part in a lot of activities because she is like to lao gua. Whenever she feels like lao gua, limpeh will lao a lot more gua than her. Just 2 months ago, she took part in the simi pinky pinky run at Marina bay which limpeh had to wake up damn early to bring her there to run. What difference does it makes with running around your estate man!! Why must wake up cheat za buay za and go all the way there to run with everyone? Is it because we are social animals so whatever fuck thing we do we love to do it together? Is this like what William Shake-a-spear said "Birds of a feather, flock fucking together"? Is is true we love cluster fucking together? Have you ever gone through the days where PTI ask you to SPREAD!!!! SQUEEZE!!! SPREAD!!!! SQUEEZE!!!! all day long?!?! Have you ever gone through days where you had to squeeze with bangaladeshi lads at Countdown Singapore? WHY!!! Why we like to squeeze so much?!?! Why can't we just run at our estate at our own leisure??!??!


And so, limpeh woke up fucking cheebye eh early on Saturday morning. Even more early than weekdays.



Limpeh's carpark. There is a weird feeling of Deja Vu cos it feels the same when you just parked your car and went upstairs at 1am. 5 hours later you find yourself walking back to your car. Then you think, did limpeh went up to sleep at all??????????



Time check. It is indeed 6.25am. Limpeh did sleep for 4-5 hours. Or did limpeh??



CTE tunnel. Don't you fuggers who are working in town wish that the tunnel looks like this everyday to work? Dream on you fuggers, dream on.



Ah diang is very serious about her run ok...doing her stretching ok...don't think she cannot run..limpeh think she can better than most of your fuggers...she clear her 2.4km in under 15 mins ok!



See how chum limpeh look. Knnz...at night sell backside also not as chum. At least you get to lie down when people fuck your backside...



金鸡独立you know what or not?



Ready? Ready? Ready already or not????!!!!?!!!!?!??!



Ok, fuck off and hurry up come back...limpeh wanna go home sleep....



Its coffee time!! Limpeh's favourite Ice Grande Latte yummy!!



Shack right!! See, ask you to sleep longer you don't want...drag limpeh all the way here to East Coast and run with 1,000+ girls...pui...can see cannot eat :X



All this for a can of 嘉嘉凉茶 and a bottle of Ice Mountain..but at least better than those on the stage...they won 2 extra large air tickets to run in Terengganu wahhaahhaaha...all the way there just to run with other minahs hahahhahaha....crazy muthafuckas..


Ah diang said she joined all these runs la walk la crawl la is because she wants to challenge herself. That is having a very positive mindset and limpeh applaud her for thinking that way but but but....dont challenge limpeh also mah...waking up 6am on a Saturday you know!! If not because limpeh 有练过，limpeh already become 咸煎饼 leow....


So tell limpeh, what is the moral of the story? If you are working in town, find a job that starts work at 6.30am...limpeh confirm you reach your workplace on time everyday and save a lot of ERP charges....