Ya..the time to be jolly is here once again. Its CNY's eve and everybody is getting ready for the extravagant. Shark Fins, Abalone, The Buddha Jump Over The Berlin Wall and etc etc. Its the main event on the lunar calendar and all the chinese in the world are so excited about it. Its the best excuse to get rid of their old stuffs and get new one. Becos? Its Chinese New Year! Zzz.....Ya new year...everything have to be new...why dont u get a new gf/bf, wife/husband, daughter/son too? Nevertheless, lets enjoy it though u're gonna keep them for as long as possible. Happy Chinese New Year to all the chinks in this world, and those in various planets thats too far for us to pay them a visit.

I dont know why whenever i'm with mah friends, i automatically behave in a jovial manner, even though i'm depressed. I switch to that happy usual self almost immediately without knowing. I guess i'm just not use to showing that "something is bothering me" face to the world outside. I rather keep it to mahself, maybe telling someone i dunno over the chatline. I dont like to share mah woes with friends, i'm pretty tired with all those concern words from them. I no longer need concern words, or i've never needed them in the first place. Just be urself, just u being u and me being me is quite enuff for me.

Like the song? In case u dunno who did this piece, its by Sade and the title is By Your Side. My friend Jo send me this song, but i didnt really pay attention to it till 2 or 3 months later. The lyrics might sound a little mushy to some, but not to most i guess. I kinda relate the song to my ways of treating some friends. I dont mind being there for them, in fact i love being there for them. You can just throw any shit at me, and i'll gladly accept it. If i'd accept all ur shit, u gotta be someone i can really call friend. Well, there aint many. Anyway i dont need that many. Two's a company, three's ok, four's abit crowded, five's hawker centre, six and u tot u're watching a soccer match in Old Trafford....

I cant help it, more like i want it.
I cant fake it, nor can i deceive it.
You cant make it, though u want it.
Life's all about it, though u dont agree on it.
Though u dont want it, u just keep getting it.
Just think about it, you'll realise it.
Who or wat is it? You dunno it and u wont know it.
I know wat is it, but i dont think u wanna know wat is it.
Till the day u find out wat is it, then u will wanna get rid of it.
So why are u so particular about finding out wat is it, since u know u'll somehow somewhere someday find it?

Just finish watching this i-dunno-wat-you-call-that on the internet. Its one of those typical modern day love story between 2 person, with a nice ending. You can catch it at http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro if u think u can understand simple chinese. Anyway, for those who dun understand abit of chinese, get someone who knows chinese to decipher fer ya. Quite extraordinary the way the guy became crippled, but i guess thats the twist every love story has. I'm not really move by the story but somehow, it got me wonder. How often do we make decisions for others? As in wat they like and wat they dont. We always decide for them wats best for them, but izzit the best for them? I think some pple will know wats the best for them, whereas other wont. The thing here is to stop making decisions fer others, even though u think it'll be the best for them. Let them decide themselves, u'll never know wat they want even if u crack ur brains. Quite contradicting to wat i wrote earlier on, but i guess i'm human afterall...


Feeling melancholy for the past few days, due to the upcoming chinese fugging new year. Weird rite? Beats me...i just dont understand the hassle everybody's going thru just for a day that marks a new year on the lunar calender. To me, its just another day, another same old fugging day. No surprises, no thrills and spills, no nothing. Just being there watching time slips by and doing nothing. I could have accomplished more i guess, but then again, u'll never know. There's so many questions left unanswered, so many things left unaccomplished, so many wishes left unfulfilled. Pple said its due to the boredom staying indoor fer too long, thats why all the complains and whines and such. But how often do u get time like these to actually think of these things? Not much i guess. I use to wake up each morning with just enuff time to rush to work. After work its all about enjoyment and enjoyment, occasionally quarrels and arguments, which spoil the rest of the day. Then, got back home and its rest time again. Next day, the whole cycle repeats itself. Time for some thoughts? Maybe when u're crapping away, u think of something. But right after u finish crapping, all the thoughts made were flushed away with those crap to make the awesome Jamban Juices. Bottom line is? You aint got time to sit back and give alot of things some thoughts. Ignorance is a bliss? Ya right, thats for the weak minded. You are nowhere better than Ah Meng if u should think that way, if not worse. Give yourself sometime to think about things, maybe u'll rediscover a whole new chapter in ur life....but try not to think too pessimistically like i do, though...

Life...have so many ups and downs. Life...is filled with unexpected events. Life...is not always smooth sailing. Life...is an uncertainty. Wat u own today, u might lose it tomorrow. So its either u treasure wat u have right now, or u can simply dont give a fuck to it cos u dunno when u'll lose it...

Wah i'm so fucking sick of waiting for pple to bring me out till i dont think i wanna go out anymore. Its just so frustrating when u know u have to be dependant on others. Fuck siah...so sick!!!!!!! I think i must be a little cocky now cos everybody knows i'm dying to go out. When someone call and ask me out i'll just tell them i'm busy with something. Everybody thinks i'd give anything just to go out. Fuck...if i'm allowed to fag at home, i dont think i will wanna go out so often. To think that everyone's adjusting their schedule to suit me better. To think everyone's putting in effort to bring me out. To think the inconvenience i'm causing to others. To think the hectic life i'm giving to them. To think this to think that. Fuck, i dont wanna think anymore. I'll just be me. I'll just have to stop finding trouble for pple. I'll just have to bear with all these shit stucking in the middle of nowhere. I'll just have to put mahself to some cold turkey treatment. Run out of fag? So be it! Run out of toys to play with? So be it! Run out of pple to tok to? So be it! Run out of freedom? So be it! So be it lar so be it...no fucking big deal rite? Why must others suffer the consequences of some foul play i committed? Not making any sense rite? So therefore, we conclude this. I dont wanna go out anymore unless its all by mahself. I'll just laze around at home. I'll carry on with watever things that i can do at home. I'm never gonna make anyone come down and get me out. I'm gonna reject them even if they take the initiative to come down...Mai will be the word that i'm gonna use very often from today onwards. And ya, i fucking hate saturdays and sundays...its so fucking crowded at home...

I slept at 0600 and wakes up at 1030. I think i'll go back to sleep later on, most likely. Why i wake up that early u might think. I could have sleep till 2-3pm or later, like wat i usually does in the past. All becos i need to do something sacred when i'm left alone at home. "Wanking perhaps?", u said, with a grin across ur face. You just think watever u want ya? Anyway i think i've lost that prowess i had a decade back. The ability to sing, the ability to charm pple with mah voice. Was at Seletar Reservoir again last nite and this time, there's an audience. No fancy lightings, no fireworks, no sub woofer, no screaming crowds and no rotating or rising stage. All was all but 2 friends. Lead Guitarlele playing the guitar as usual, Forever Rolling Dice listens on. We did a few songs as usual, cept that this time, its those lovey dovey songs. We sorta restrained ourselves from getting out of hand since there's an audience. I was far from mah usual self last nite, maybe due to that shock i recieved while playing mah beloved 'Winning Eleven 6'. Or maybe i'm just tired. I seems to be straying away from the topic i wanna touch on. Ya, i lost mah prowess. I seems to be having problems reaching that kinda pitch i use to reach at ease. I sound like a toad, croaking after tat "showers are expect over a few areas with temperature ranging from 26 to 30 degrees", hoping to mate in the cool, moist weather. Its just so different, till i cant tell wats the difference. You just feel that something is amiss. I guess its due to excessive smoking, again. But i dont really miss that prowess i use to have, i'll just let it be i guess. Nothing to feel pity about, its just voices i lost. Most pple in this world cant really sing, i'll just join the ranks i suppose.

My mom's watching this taiwanese variety show again. Zzz....and ya, they are interviewing this group call 5566. More Zzz....Numbers seems to be the in thing now, with bands and gangs naming themselve that like this 5566, blink182, F4. Back then, theres this noctorious group of pple calling themselves 2408369. Wonder wat it actually means, looks like some numbers to dial when u feel like eating lor mai gai or soi gao that sort of stuffs. Dimsum Delivery Hotline that is. Anyway toking about this 5566, i think they r pathetic. All along i tot that when u form a band, its becos u pple share the common interest. You like the same kinda songs, same kinda tunes, same kinda music instinct. Maybe their's not consider as a band, but a group. The way it appears might be different, but the concept remains the same. I think these guys are put together by the record company to get the dough. Its not like the 5 of them goes to this record company together. They were hand picked by this record company, put together and sell it to the consumers, mainly superficial foolish gals.Oh please, i just dont think 5 "good looking" guys would share the same genre. Its just a marketing strategy, a way to earn some quick bux. When they sing something that pple think its nice, they get the credit. I pity the song writer, they are the forgotten bunch. Though their names were mentioned in the album, most would just ignore it, or its just too small to notice. Sigh....i dunno wat i'm toking leow..i guess i'll just stop.

Do u have lotsa regrets in ur life? Wat makes u regret? Guilt? Most likely....we're always guilty of the things we regret of doing it. I guess thats one of the human's trait. We do things rashfully without considering the consequences. But do pple learn from their mistakes? Some do, some dont. Some just continue doing it till time run out for em. Afterall, we love to gamble, we love to take chances. We love to take risks. Some are calculated risks where some are plain foolish stupid risks. Try to consider the consequences before we act next time, u'll probably live with lesser regrets in ur life. Maybe i should stop smoking as well, or i might regret it someday when i'm lying on the bed, suffering from all kinds of crap due to excessive smoking. I'll try i guess...i have enuff regrets already...

something that i think its cute...hehehe
[14:07] anyone> jojojojojojojojjojojojojojojojojo
[14:07] superkid> ya
[14:07] superkid> here
[14:07] anyone> why r u super?
[14:07] * superkid is now known as BADman`
[14:08] BADman`> this eh
[14:08] BADman`> im bad
[14:08] anyone> u bad?
[14:08] BADman`> uhuh
[14:08] anyone> hahahahahhaha
[14:08] anyone> WAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHA
[14:09] * BADman` is now known as boxcar
[14:09] * boxcar ignore
[14:09] anyone> but why u ignore me
[14:09] boxcar> dont knw
[14:10] boxcar> u always tease me hor
[14:10] boxcar> y u laff so loud jus now
[14:10] anyone> u say u r bad wat
[14:10] anyone> i cant imagine u being bad
[14:10] anyone> so i luff
[14:10] boxcar> me
[14:11] anyone> its a compliment that i luff
[14:11] boxcar> im a bad person..
[14:11] anyone> WAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAH
[14:11] anyone> sorry but i cant help it
[14:11] boxcar> .....
[14:11] anyone> ok ok
[14:11] anyone> lets do this again
[14:12] anyone> come come
[14:12] anyone> tell me u r a bad person again
[14:12] anyone> i play along alrite?
[14:12] boxcar> ok
[14:12] boxcar> im a bad person
[14:12] anyone> WAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAH
[14:12] anyone> tio snook
[14:12] anyone> WAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHHAHAH
[14:13] * boxcar slaps anyone around a bit with a large trout
[14:13] * anyone slaps back with Lydia Sum's undies, if she's wearing any
[14:13] * boxcar slaps anyone around a bit with a large trout
[14:13] * anyone slaps back with Pua Chu Kang's holey moley

Xian Dan Chao Ren Vs Chickedee~!!!!!

me and mah drummer Merson~ cool..finally it show up! Hooray 1993~ I miss you~

I've always planned wat to do next day when i retire in the nite, but only to wake up forgetting wat i've planned the nite before. I tot of writing it down on a piece of paper but when i do that, that piece of paper always got lost into nowhere. So i tot of getting a piece of whiteboard and hang it on the wall, then write down the things i wanna do next day. But the tot of being so systematic puts me off, so i decided to just let it be. I let my mind do the toking, telling me wat to do in that very moment. I dont like to stick to schedules or routines to tell me wat i should do at blah blah hours. Things are changing so fast nowadays, watever u planned earlier on, are forced to change due to some circumstances. Well, if all goes well, watever u need to do, u'll still do it, even if the sky falls and the moon lands in ur bedroom. Maybe if u r going for a trip u need to plan things before hand. Maybe u r gonna get married soon u need to plan things before hand. Maybe u wanna sing a few particular songs u need to plan things before hand as well. But as for planning "wat i wanna do tomorrow?" is totally useless. I wanna write something just now but a friend of mine ask me to play literati till i totally forgets wat i planned to write. See wat i mean planned? It changes unknowingly and i'm not really bothered by wat i forgotten..just let it be. I let time decides itself wat i'ma do with my life too. Too much planning spoils all the fun of having unexpected screwed ups and element of surprises.

After a few matches(playing my winning eleven 6), i finally recall wat i wanna tok about before i played literati with mah friend. Funny isnt it? It just pops back right in my mind. Been wanting to get a digicam badly. Not that i wants to be a photo journalist in the future, but something to play with while i'm doing nothing at home. I once watched this japanese drama about a dude wanting to be the best sushi master in japan. There's this gal who took pictures of watever occasion she thinks she wants it as a momento. I kinda like the idea that i'll be able to look back in 5-10 yrs and see wat i did in 2003. In a country where video caming is not well practised and VCRs are slowly being obsolete, its no surprise that digital cameras are slowly making its way into our society. Actually this idea started when one of my friend told me she's getting the DBS cashline offer and planned to sell away the digicam since she think she wont be needing it. I tot, why not? End up, her husband wants it so tat he can take shots of their offsprings in the future. But the idea of getting one already leave its trail in mah brain and i cant seem to shake it off. So the search continues. Read about various models and things to consider before getting one. Still i'm getting nowhere cos the models available in the market are huge! But boils down to the end, its still the money factor thats hindering me getting one. My bro has got a Canon G1 which he doesnt mind lending me to play around. But me, being well known for my clumsiness, kinda reluctant to use it, afraid that i might drop it and spoil the god damn 1k thing. I'm still very much into getting one that i can call mine. But well, i'll just continue to wait till the price of a 3.2 mega pixel plunges to somewhere below $500, or even $400. Meantime, i'll continue to search for a site to upload pix and stuffs so that i can link it over here....

fuck type site...fuck type uploads...fuck type html....fuck type everything....fucking asshole....

Cool morning...raining. Sleazy....listening to Alan Parsons Project's Sooner Or Later. Sooner or later, i'll be free, to leave the past behind....But will the past leave me behind as well? Damn..i'm getting out of point here. Ok, Ii had mah reviews yesterday and this time i am still getting the same thing from the doc, except tat the bones are growing very slowly and i'll have to take sometime before those graft hardens and joined. Kewl...something different ya? But notice the hidden meanings inbetween? Have to wait again lar...so from there i render this review useless once again. Anyways, i hope u get this man...hit me back, just a chat, truly yours, your biggest fan...this is Stan...

I log in to blog, only to forget wat i wanna blog in the first place. Nevermind, ideas just pops up from no where. I'm just celebrated my 10th mth anniversary a few days ago. Ya, it was about 10 mths ago when i lost my ability to do standing broad jump. 10 fucking mths....quite shock to actually survived that long on a wheelchair. Maybe its becos i'm not an active person thats why i can stand such long time sitting down. If i were to live by some beach that would be most awesome. Every morning i'll just sit by the beach and smoke and drink and listen to some music and watch some bikini gals playing beach volleyball and see some striped to enjoy a sunbath till night time. Then in the night the whole beach will left me and me alone. Then again, my marlboro will always be there with me, but the other tool i will have now is a piece of guitar instead of the discman. Play some songs with that fag in mah mouth...damn i'd look so darn cool, just like kurt cobain hahahahhaha. I think, i can sit like that for a long time, provided everything i mentioned is present there. I think i can get away from the hectic urban jungle life.....

2 more days and i'll be going back to the hosp to go thru that damn waste of time review again. Wait for my turn to take x-ray, wait for my turn to see doctor, wait for my turn to collect mah medicines, wait for my turn to board the cab. I wonder wat will the doc say this time? "I think you dont try to walk first, the bone doesnt seems to be joining yet..." Kewl, after the 2nd op and i'm still hearing the same old shit...someday i might just figure that i had enuff of this "I think u dont try to walk first" and decides to never ever go for reviews again. Wats the pt of going for reviews when i even know wat the doc will say to me. Anyway mah wheelchair is falling apart, so i guess this time i'll still go for the reviews...and get me a new wheelchair. I want those damn easy to maneuver type so that i can go play basketball with my cousin. But is he gonna play with me? Will he mind those mindful eyes that look at him? Most prob he would...cos me, myself and i mind that alot hahahahha....so i'll just get a normal wheelchair....and forget abt playing basketball altogether. Maybe golf will suit me better....

My laptop heat up damn fast nowadays....maybe its a hint that i should be getting a new one soon? I wonder if the compensation gonna include me a new laptop cos this one was flung out from my bag during the crash and it developed some ugly scratched mark on its body. My friend was telling me about this festive offerings cashline carries. http://dbs.com.sg/cashline/festive/ Check it out pple...if anyone's is getting the bundle, mind selling me that digicam? I will choot $300 for it~!!! Good rite me?Heheh....I think next time i might look into being a photo journalist hahahaha....ok ok...i'll just make it mah hobby lar...i know i think too much, i'm just bored.....i think i'll stop here before i get more corny....

Things I hate and detest and disgusted with and dreaded.

1. People asking u questions and later doubt ur answers.
Example:
Alvin: Hey, how to solve this equation?
Me: Doo...like this, like that, then become like this, then u will get that.
Alvin: Like that meh? Not like this like that meh?
Me: Are u asking me a question or are u finding pple to agree with ur answers or are u trying to tell pple u r smart cos u know how to solve this equation?
Alvin: Hmm..i think i have low self esteem. I need to boost it by showing to pple that i am not dumb.
Me: Good. Are your self esteem boosted now?
Alvin: Ya.
Me: Ok go fuck spider now, and never ever come fucking ask me anything from now onwards.
Alvin: O...by the way, spiders all siam me.....i wonder why...
Me: Must be ur stench...u smell like pig's crap.
Alvin: I was expecting something much worse than that.
Me: Maybe u r the micro-organism feeding on pig's crap
Alvin: That oughta do it...

2. People asking question and ignoring your answers
Example:
Joe: Hey, how u do this?
Me: Doo....just like this like that.
Joe: Hey u watching channel U now? U saw that gorgeous babe?
Me: No, not watching tv now. U go try see if it'd work and then tell me...
Joe: You should watch it man....that babe got humongous tits!
Me: Ok ok...later...u go and try first leh...
Joe: I wish i have a gf like her....then I'll breast fuck her all nite long man...
Me: Hello? You saw wat i type?
Joe: Huh? Wat u type? Can u repeat?
Me: Ya i typed "UP URS PUNK ASS~!! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRANSPARENT CRAP!!!!"
Joe: Hey, wats with u man? Why u scold me? And by the way all crap are either brown or black or at least abit orangy.
Me: Becos ur colours ran away.
Joe: How can colours run away....u r toking nonsense...
Me: Ya...i feel dumb toking reasons to a piece of crap....so i tok nonsense.

Theres somemore things i dreaded....but shall continue next time..