Sometimes, I wonder, how smart am I. I think I'm pretty smart, in a sense. So what you guys think? Since you people know me fer quite awhile already.


On a scale of 10, where 1 would be "he is very stupid", 5 would be "he's ok" and 10 would be "he is very smart", where would you put me in? I would say, 7 maybe. What would be your humble opinion of me? Don't worry, this is not a trick question. I won't rape your pet if your answer is below 5. Just answer me truthfully.


I really hate my quick-wittedness sometimes. I really hate that ability to pinpoint things in such detailed fashion. I hate that ability to see things in different angles. I hate that ability to solve complex equations. I hate that ability to talk and charm people. In short, I'm beginning to hate myself.


Is ignorance really a bliss? I used to think thats a fucking spastic consolation inane mofos gave themselves. But now...FUCK!! I'm beginning to think the answer is a big fucking YES!! Its a fucking bliss when you are just an average Joe or simple-minded Alfred.


My life is like rollercoaster ride, except that I don't know when it'd stop. Actually, we are all blindfolded on a roller coaster ride that'll only end when you're tossed out of it. Why blindfolded then? Cos usually we won't know when we are plunging until we begin to feel lighter. That is what most of us are going thru. But you know what? I always try to act smart. I remove my blindfold just to fucking see when I'm plunging and that anticipation lowered my adrenaline rush compared to those who are blindfolded. Too cheem to understand?


What I am trying to say is, I have the ability to see what is coming, and anticipate what are the things that are going to happen next. When I do that, I forgotten all about enjoying while the process is still on-going. It might appear to you as a good thing, but its not to me. I wanna enjoy the thrill of the ride, and in order to do so, I must not be able to see and predict what is coming. But I have the tendency of removing my blindfold and find out when is the next plunge. In another word, I always pitjiak my own lobang. I always spoil my own fun when I found out what is next. Fuck.


Its almost 4 now, I hope I'll be dumber when I get out of bed later on. But how to fall asleep at this moment is the main issue now...