I'm so lazy to write these days. This saturday my friend ask me to crash down at her place for some gathering with people I only get to see 2-3 times per year. Yeah, I'm going of course, just to get out of the house on a pathetic saturday. But I'm pretty sian abt these social gathering where people talk about stuffs you can't relate to. Then they'll ask you stuffs that you've answered a million times. Life seems to be in a repetition manner. Seems like going circles everynow and then. Ever had that feeling when you are doing something, you seems to have already did it somewhere sometime in the past? Weird feeling eh? Life is constantly repeating itself. History doesnt repeat itself? Yeah they doesnt, but you make it happen. You spin me right round baby right round, like a record baby right round round round~

Its 3am on a Sunday night and a Monday morning. I can't get to sleep cos I slept too much this evening. I shouldn't have slept just now. Snooze for a mere 3 hours and now I'm having difficulties getting back into dreamland. Is it because I dont dream, thats why I'm not allowed to go into dreamland? I feel the need to write a song, but I'm in a dilemma. I don't know whether should I come up with a tune first or should I come up with the lyrics first. Its these thinking that are stopping me from getting things done I think. Actually its diffcult to come up with either cos I'm barely good in anything. You're right dude. I know all sorts of nonsense but I'm hardly good at any. I can't keep the passion going for anything except talking cock. I'm good at talking cock but its getting me nowhere. I love to sing but I can barely sing. I know how to play guitar but I can hardly finish one complete song. I know computers but its those obsolete stuffs. I know what digicam's all about but I don't know what some terms mean. I try to write but I can hardly express myself with the language I know. I try to focus but my mind just run wild. Hmm....I'm not a complete person. I lack persistency. I lack self discipline. Time check: 3:16:54am

Life is really boring to be stuck on a wheelchair. I've been unable to walk since 4th of March, 2002. Its gonna be the 17th month anniversary this coming August. I wonder how I pull thru those 17 months of sitting around and only sitting around. Because I didnt really know how long this is going to take I supposed. Imagine the doc told me I'm gonna be unable to walk for at least the next 17 mths back then, I wouldnt be where I am today. I wonder if I'll wake up in fear next time when I dream of what I've gone thru during the 2002-2003 season. Kinda scary now just thinking back.


I seldom have vivid memories of what dreams I had. That day I was having a nap and I dreamt of this funny scene from Blade. I was alone in the room sleeping when I felt something zoom passed outside(the door was 3/4 shut). I got up and peeped out and I saw this dude down there searching for something. I quickly sneak to the corner of my room and just when I was trying to find somewhere to hide myself, he came in. Don't really remember how he look but the only thing in my mind was "he's a vampire". I dunno where the fuck I found this revolver and I even remember those are silver bullets inside(aren't silver bullets for werewolves?). This dude's getting closer and I have to give him a headshot to make it die. Hahaha...I suposed I did hit him right in the head as he went down instantaneously after I fired my revolver. The next thing I knew? I came back to reality lor..I woke up. Not sure I woke up because my handphone rang or because of the fright I had. Anyway I told Mel(wonder who's Mel? Yeah...he's Mel Gibson) that night and he said I'm either emotionally or financially drained. Hmm...beats me...I'm financially drained most of the time and I'm not sure how emotionally drained feels like. Maybe I am from all these guessing whats going on recently? Ya...its pretty tiring, trying to guess whats the other party really wants. Can't help but kept thinking about it. Anyway that was really some dream since I can still recall how it went hehe....


I'm not going out as often as before ever since chow curly stopped working. Yeah..chow curly's my friend who use to get me out all over the island because he's a delivery cum sales executive for some sports enterprise. Schools and organisation order sports equipments(like cones, jerseys, small goalpost etc.) from them and he delivers them. They let him drive the van home and sometimes he've got nothing to deliver so he would just ask me out for coffee and such. Sometimes I made the deliveries with him too. We went places like Balestia, Farrer Road, Bukit Merah, Commonwealth, Clementi and even East Coast Park. Yeah...they've got a skating shop there and its a seaview shopfront. Quite cool cos you get to see chicks dressed in real cool outfit and crashed right infront of you. The way they fall is pretty funny at times cos you dont really get to see cool chicks fall in an awkward manner hahahaha....fun! Then we would order Mocha Ultimate Spin from the Coffeebean next door and play chinese chess right infront of that skating shop. Ahh...feeling the sea breeze while you check mate your friend is definitely something I wanna do again. Anyway he quit his job since March(ironically its March again) and I fall back to that no life sitting infront of my laptop hoping someone to drop by and bring me out shit again. And when I say bring me out its not just getting out of the doorstep and crash at the nearest coffeeshop. Thats nice too its pretty mundane to me already. Its been a long since I saw something that doesnt remind me of Yishun. I miss alot of places....I miss the starbucks beside Planet Hollywood; I miss Far East Plaza chicken rice; I miss Killiney Kopitiam's bread and eggs; I miss Bedok blk 85's satay, barchormee and stingray; I miss AMK S11's chicken chop; I miss Chomp Chomp's fried carrot cake and chicken wings. Thats just a few to mention. In general, I miss my life. I miss walking and going out like a normal person. I miss myself.

P.S : Bear with me for all those grammar mistakes....I sux in writing...

The fucking site seems to have problem loading when there are loads of stuffs to load. Guess I'll have to go easy with the pics attached here....fuck up.

Nada Surf - Inside Of Love

watching terrible tv
it kills all thought
getting spacier than
an astronaut
making out with people
i hardly know or like
i can�t believe what i do
late at night
i wanna know what it�s like
on the inside of love
i�m standing at the gates
i see the beauty above
only when we get to see
the aerial view
will the patterns show
we�ll know what to do
i know the last page so well
i can�t see the first
so i just don�t start
it�s getting worse
(chorus)
i can�t find my way in
i try again and again
i�m on the outside of love
always under or above
must be a different view
to be a me with a you
of course i�ll be alright
i just had a bad night

Last 2 days have been eventful. Lets not talk about what happened yesterday, I believe its just a misunderstanding but its always the same shit from different toiletbowl. I've learned not to argue over arguements. I've learned to take things the easy way out. If the discussion is not going anywhere I'll just dump everything and leave, or vice versa, let the other person leave and avoid for a couple of days. If things are still happening, I'll just let them think whatever they wanna think. I've always believe explaination is a total waste of time. The more you explain the more twisted it gets. Life is an irony. If you don't explain you're someone who couldnt be bothered, even between close friends. When you try to explain, they just refuse to see where you're coming from. Nevermind, you'll have your way and I'll have mine. I'll deal with it the way I deem fit. See it as I'm loud mouth idiot dweeb one who thinks he's damn great or anything you want. I dont really give a fuck. Life is alot more than getting pissed off with/by friends....good friends.


Today is the end of the short seperation between me and ah may to figure things out. I've came to my conclusion to remain as friends and she accepted it reluctantly, though she was hoping we can revert back to what we are before the seperation. We both agree its a bad time to start something now. Everything ends with a happy note. I still care for her even though we are no longer an item. Anyway, why are we having a short seperation? Things werent going fine so I decided its time for us to rethink the whole relationship again. I've decided to halt everything now cos I really feel that the same thing is going to happen again, if we try one more time during this period. I'm so sick and tired of bickering and quarrelling with my gf over the phone. I fucking hate it till I developed this hatred/paranoid over the phone. Why must people quarrel? We've quarrelled for the most ridiculous reasons. Its over now and I'm really glad neither of us have to go thru all this again. Nothing to do with being cheated upon or relationship turns sour. Everything ends with an ok note. No hatred developed and no avoiding or any sort. First time I can be my ex's friend. I'm glad for whatever it is now....I'll still care for you, like I've always do.....


Been doing alot of streamings via MIRC these days and the response is quite good. My streams were relayed by 3 friends so that more people can tune into me and listen to what I have to say. I think I've reach my peak today, at least 13-14 people were tuning in to me at one time. Ok, what this streaming is all about? It behaves exactly like how those radio stations does. I gave myself a callsign, Dj NumbSkull, and I talk loads of crap over the internet where others can listen to what I said, just by tuning into my designated IP address, like how u tune to a frequency in a radio. Was having loads of fun crapping, and forgetting about the fucked up things happened the previous night. I dont have a fixed time as in when I am suppose to stream. I dont like to play by the rules. I'm running my own shit and I love the feeling of being responsible to myself. No restrictions no anything. I'm as free as a bird. I'm entitled to speak my mind. People are entitled to speak their mind about me too. Say whatever you want about me cos I am whatever you say I am. I'm not gonna bother myself with all these things said about me anymore. I'm only gonna be particular with what a few said about me. And who are those few? You know it guys, you know who you are.

damn the alignments....

erm i loaded the flooble shit leow...shit all you guys want....the comments counter is not working and i dunno wat the fuck is wrong with it hehe...make do with it la....i know its a little bit cramp....maybe leewee can help re-adjust the alignments when you feels like it hehehhee....

My long lost love is finally back.

If theres a chance for me to try everything once again, would I fare better, or would I just fail again?

Its been a long time ever since I slept so peacefully....

I've got a registered post from someone today and I can't helped but feel touched(once again). Its feels really good to know that someone actually remember things about you. Doesn't mean she's not all along, its just different from what she did in the past. That strange old feeling is somehow coming back to me when I was reading that card she gave me, while listening to Bread's song, If. The song doesnt mean a thing, if you take away the words that rhymes, but its the rhythm that makes you think of the good old(actually its not that old, quite recent) times. Anyway I a picture of this cute little thing and here it is...





Ya...and the dreamy bear she gave me few weeks back broke. The hook's made of rubber so its no surprise it'd break someday. Anyway I took a picture of it to remind me the squeezy days I had with it....





And evidence that the hook broke....though you cant really get a clear view of the broken hook...





Then I got really bored so I decided to go take a look at the hamsters. No, they're not fucking but they are cuddling each other. I miss cuddling....





Then I saw some keychains my brother brought from Thailand and thought, "Well, they're pretty cute". So I unwrapped them from their plastic bag and took pictures of them. Then I add some caption to make it more...animated. But I realise they're not funny at all but I'm too lazy to delete so I guess I'll just post it up...I dont really give a fuck anyway....











Ok...enough of posting for the night. I've got my Live Journal activated leow so keep your fingers crossed and hope that I wont shift site......

I've got a new visitor!

















I wonder why cats like to visit my place....izzit because they smell something fishy about us?!?!?!

burp...dinner sux....

An eh eh day by my good friend Juno the beano...

eh eh #1 - this morn go skewl 50 minutes late

eh eh #2 - teacher ask me go get the sticker for sars thingey upstairs

eh eh #3 - met frens upstairs whu already went but they said the fella ask them to get from the teacher

eh eh #4 - teacher ask them to take out their themometer and give him da red card. *wtf is a red card* I told teacher i dun have. He told me to go upstairs to get.

eh eh #5- Went upstairs to get the themometer. They said year 4 students must get from Mr A.

eh eh #6 - Went down to Mr A's office and he said to go upstairs again and tell them to take my temp. He said themometer not here yet for Yr 4s.

eh eh #7 - Went upstairs to get them to take my temp. This dickhead passes me the themometer and went back to work. I took my own temperature and then stared blankly at him wondering wads next.

eh eh #8 - Went out to the lift area ready to go downstairs then i realised wtf am i supposed to tell my teacher.

eh eh #9 - Went back to the dickhead and asked again. Then he was giving the sars sticker to this taiwan dude. Then i asked him how to show my teacher my temp. He said "Oh put on the sticker? Duh." !@&#^ So i said "Well u din give me no fuckin sticker" Okae i din say "fuckin". lol. Then he gave me one. Being the lazy dick that he is.

eh eh #10 - Went downstairs for my lecture and realise only 30 minutes left.

eh eh #11 - Played pool with fren but for the first time i couldnt pot any mofo ball in. In 3 games.

eh eh #12 - Took the wrong bus home. *I was stoning*

eh eh #13 - Took the correct bus but I missed my stop. "Still stoning"

eh eh #14 - My mom saw my ciggies when I told her I quit 2 weeks ago.


Note: Eh eh(pronounced as A-A, 4th pitch) is referring to an action, or reaction or something shitty or something you're doing.
Example: I topple my coffee while I was watching my hamsters getting jiggy with one another. The coffee kanna my laptop's battery compartment and I think I might tio eh eh someday...fucking eh eh man....

I just gotta show yall this man hahahaha....

grendel (8:02 PM) :
do u always go get to know girls like thaT?
japann (8:03 PM) :
arrr.. ya truth... that rite...
i never come to girl in this way b4......
my first time...
grendel (8:04 PM) :
eh dun bluff leh!
grendel (8:04 PM) :
haha i dun believe.
japann (8:04 PM) :
really.... u can ask my dad, he always be wif me in clubbing
anyone (08:09 PM) :
ASK HIM WAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING IN OZ!!!!
ah wee (08:09 PM) :
he was helpin out in friend's restaurant lol
anyone (08:10 PM) :
i think he doesnt know how to pronounce erm
anyone (08:10 PM) :
thats why he doesnt know wat the fuck is that
ah wee (08:10 PM) :
hahahahah


I know its damn mean of me to share pple's language follies openly when I sux in english too but I think he deserve no sympathy from me at all. I dunno lor I just can't stand the way some people think. They thought they can get their way everytime they want just because they look good or because they are rich. I sound sour grapes I know hahaha....I dont deny that. As long as I get a chance to do whatever I want here, I dont seriously give a damn to what you think of me hahahaha.....and dude....this is wat Colin send to jiaos....theres one line he wrote fucking funny...i show u the whole paragraph...

Hi Jiaos,

Congratz on your first class honours! We (Cel, Nan and I) are so proud
of you. And becos of your stay in Leicester, they got relegated too !!
hahaha. Study too much and too little football...

I hope you're having a good laugh now dude...heheh...

anyway I got to see jiaos in IRC later in the day and he said these....

[21:42] crass`> ehehhe fuckin hell
[21:42] crass`> leicester got relegated also not my daiji larrr

Aww....I love blogger man~

A day in IRC.....


[16:07] linbai> hi
[16:07] linbai> how's everybody?
[16:07] linbai> i am lin bai
[16:07] * SaTaN^awy grinz
[16:07] SaTaN^awy> Wads a linbai?
[16:07] SaTaN^awy> Drink White?
[16:07] linbai> linbai is my name. u can call me limpeh if you want, tats my dialect name.
[16:09] linbai> anyway, hi SaTaN^awy...i am limpeh..nice to meet u....

I'm bored to the core...

[16:14] linbai> hi paperdoll
[16:14] paperdoll> hiya linbai
[16:14] paperdoll> who is linbai?
[16:14] linbai> i am limpeh...

I'm fucking lame....

[16:19] paperdoll> linbai...so sianz how?
[16:19] linbai> sianz how ar
[16:19] *** Evil-Bot sets mode: +v LatinSlp
[16:19] linbai> wanna go out?
[16:19] linbai> limpeh bring u go gai gai

I know....i'm a fucker....

[16:19] paperdoll> gai gai???so sianz...dun know go where
[16:19] linbai> u just hold my hand and follow me can liao
[16:20] linbai> but first...show me ur picture first
[16:20] paperdoll> hahaha...
[16:20] paperdoll> lin u r straightforward enough...
[16:20] linbai> ya...i seldom beat around the bush
[16:20] paperdoll> but too bad no pic leh....hahaha... :)
[16:20] linbai> ok
[16:20] linbai> then boh bian
[16:20] linbai> i guess i will have to take the risk
[16:20] linbai> we meet 7pm at amk interchange toilet there
[16:21] linbai> tell me what u will be wearing first
[16:21] paperdoll> red spag top with dark blue jeans
[16:21] linbai> i'll be wearing a dark jacket with a large eagle behind and i got curry pok hair...like john travolta's
[16:21] paperdoll> isn't that Grease?
[16:22] linbai> ya...and if by 8pm you still havent see me you can Deng Choo liao....

I'm just entertaining myself....


Then came my friend ah wee showing me some stuffs her airhead cute guy friend was saying.....


grendel (4:39 PM) :
haha. i thought u look A LITTLE like nakata.
japann (4:39 PM) :
what is nakata?
grendel (4:39 PM) :
the soccer player..
japann (4:39 PM) :
okie... maybe..


(insert: first he ask wat is nakata so obviously he doesnt know WHAT or WHO is Hidetoshi Nakata at all. Then when ah wee told him nakata is a soccer player he said ok...maybe. So he knew immediately how nakata looks like when the only thing he know about him is that "he's a soccer player". Airhead value = 10/10)


japann (4:40 PM) :
wat is erm
grendel (4:40 PM) :
erm is just erm??
japann (4:40 PM) :
i'm a bit lose in it


(insert: Ok, both me and ah wee agreed that he made a grammar mistake. Its lost. But he can just say, "I'm abit lost". "I'm a bit lose in it" reminds me when I was having diarrhoea...oh god damnit that bowel is so loose. Airhead value=10/10)


japann (4:42 PM) :
maybe i bit out dated... i juct came back not long ago
grendel (4:43 PM) :
ohh..
grendel (4:43 PM) :
frm?
japann (4:43 PM) :
aus
grendel (4:43 PM) :
you mean they dun use ERM...in aus?


(insert: I can't be sure but I suspect they dont use "erm" in OZ..they will go like this, "yo wassup my fellow racist~ have u kick some black and yellow butts today?". Everyone turns into a racist the moment u r in the land of Marsupials. Airhead value=10/10)


grendel (4:44 PM) :
oh okie..
japann (4:44 PM) :
so can u tell me wat is it?
grendel (4:44 PM) :
well...i dont really know how to explain
it's like erm...something hesitant
japann (4:45 PM) :
okie now i remember wat it is...


(insert: For a moment I was thinking he might someday, forget how to breathe as well....Airhead value=10x10 to the power of 10/10)


grendel (5:45 PM) :
i wanna get some tattoo
japann (5:45 PM) :
y not let me do it 4 u? how?
grendel (5:46 PM) :
wow can u? i send u the scorpion one..u can receive files?
japann (5:46 PM) :
yes i can
japann (5:46 PM) :
where do i indent to tattoo on it
japann (5:49 PM) :
i think something wrong wif my net. i jam


(insert: Wahahahahhahhaa!!!!! SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY NET!!!! I JAM!!!! Peanut butter strawberry jam ai mai?!?!?! Wahahahahahaha....fucking dimwit making me luff my fucking head off....He's toking just like cookie, skally worse. Wonder wat the fuck he does in oz...fuck kangeroos and koalas most likely...anyway he burst my Airhead Calculator leow cos he exceed the maximum airhead value too much...)

Ok this end my adventurous day. Ok I've made a mistake...there are comments....but the fucking counter is not working....somebody help me pleaseeee~~

Black Sabbath - Sabbath Bloody Sabbath


You've seen life through distorted eyes
You know you had to learn
The execution of your mind
You really had to turn
The race is run the book is read
The end begins to show
The truth is out, the lies are old
But you don't want to know

Nobody will ever let you know
When you ask the reasons why
They just tell you that you're on your own
Fill your head all full of lies

The people who have crippled you
You want to see them burn
The gates of life have closed on you
And now there's just no return
You're wishing that the hands of doom
Could take your mind away
And you don't care if you don't see again
The light of day

Nobody will ever let you know
When you ask the reasons why
They just tell you that you're on your own
Fill your head all full of lies

Where can you run to
What more can you do
No more tomorrow
Life is killing you
Dreams turn to nightmares
Heaven turns to hell
Burned out confusion
Nothing more to tell

Everything around you
What's it coming to
God knows as your dog knows
Bog blast all of you
Sabbath Bloody Sabbath
Nothing more to do
Living just for dying
Dying just for you

Know what I feel disgusted about? You know whats 'horse behind cannon'? I'll give you an example, lets say your friend told you not to ride a motorbike but you didn'y listen. You ran into an accident, you injured almost every part of your body. Then your friend can't stop telling you how farsighted he is. He kept going, "SEE!!! I've told you not to but you wouldn't listen!!". Then he will go on and preach like a priest, telling you why he didn't wanna see you riding. Come on, have some fucking sense. The poor fellar is lying there in pain, regretting his action, regretting not heeding your advices, and the best you can do is continue rubbing onto his wounds? What done is done and its not reversible, so why not just forget about your fucking able-to-predict-the-future capability and talk about something else? Yes you gave your warning, its his fault he not listen to it. You just happened to be right this time, unfortunately, so just get on with it and stop feeling good about yourself for predicting something terrible correctly. You've done your part being a friend, now complete the whole fucking equation and lend a helping hand by shutting the fuck up, ya? The whole point is just stop rubbing on people's wound when everything have already happened. Just do whatever you feel you need to do as a friend and fucking move on, and stop feeling proud of yourself for that prediction. You just got lucky this time.

Wednesday~ Its mambo jambo time dudes and dudettes! Ahh...what should I write about today...I don't know why but I've always think of things to do the next day before I go to sleep but everytime after I woke up I can't remember the things I planned to do. Funny huh? Ya I think I've discussed this before I know. Maybe subconsciously I know what I wanna/needa do but I just simply couldn't find the drive in me to do it. I need to arrange some documents for my lawyer so he can proceed on to claim my compensation but I kept telling myself, "its still a long way to go lar...take ur own sweet time man...". Then before I knew, I've used up all the time allocated to me. Fucking bad habit, I'd like to get rid of this "take-things-easy" shit inside me. But I guess I only know how to say....I did nothing else other than kept saying "I wanna change....I wanna be like this like that like those like them like watever..". Sucks man....the only thing that I've never stop doing is IRC....I wonder why. Because its a place for crappy people and I'm amongst them. Ok I've got things to do leow...ah yap ask me to help me find something...lets put it down here in case I forgot...JNC Digital Concept. Looks good...I might get myself one of these too hehe...if its not too expensive....

Ok its tuesday...so whats with tuesday? Its.....jamming day! Yeah! JAm Jam Jam JAm Jammmmmmm wooooooooohooooooooooo!!! I just cant get enough of sneaking out to have a puff with friends. I fag in the morning too when there's no one around. But when I do that, I feel lonely, frustrated, melancholic, agitated etc etc. Its always good when there's someone around to fag with. Don't understand why, it feels different when theres a friend to fag with you. One of my ex fag too and I enjoy fagging with her. I dont stop people from fagging even though I know its bad for them. Not because I'm a smoker myself, but I just feel that if they cant even decide what to do with their own life, I dont know what else can they accomplish. I dont like to live in someone's shadow. Everybody created a model shadow for another to follow. I wanna have control with my own life, everybody should have total freedom to do what they wanna do. We can only give advices, we cannot give orders or directions and expect people to listen to them. Please refrain from asking people to do the things that pleases you or you think its good for them. You wont know what they want because they will always be them and you will always be you, just like two lines in parallel will never meet each other or cross path. Not in the past, not now and certainly not in the future. So please stop changing someone just because you think it is good for them. Next time when you wanna ask someone to do or stop doing something you like/dislike, think about how would you feel when someone does that to you....